This year is a year of learning!

After 2 decades of motherhood, I have decided it's time to take steps towards my dream of establishing a school. A school with a real difference. 

So this year I am taking both a Master's in Education and a Forest School Diploma! It sounds crazy, but I need to do both, and the timing seems to be right, so here I am, deep in the mud, literally.

The first 2 weeks have been really tough. I doubted myself, asking whether I am qualified enough, whether I have enough experience, whether I am cut out to study again. My brain feels so rusty, and I struggled to cope with the expectations of the Master's. It's one thing to study, it's another to be homeschooling a kid, managing a household of 6, plus commitment to neighbourhood community building endeavours. And on top of that, I am struggling to keep up the energy to do all the above while fasting. ( It's the Bahai fasting month.)

I have been running a homeschool nature co-op group for 9 years now, so forest school diploma should be a walk in the park, oh so I thought. I realised that while I was running the program over the years, I myself wasn't really immersed into the forest myself as I was more observant of the kids and trying to connect with them, thinking ahead of risk/decisions to make/how to guide the group. Since last year, I felt that I was at a standstill, like what else can we do? How can we go deeper into the forest, and how can we connect more with Mother Nature? I wanted more, I feel the need to deepend myself and grow while I guide others.

The first session of forest school diploma training was surprisingly tough. I was too conscious of myself, I felt I should be connecting with the forest but I found myself thrown into the situation... without control of the environment and unable to see what lies ahead. A range of emotions swelled up, and I became scared, as if I was in the forest for the first time. At one point, I felt tears coming into my eyes, which I tried to hold myself together and kept them in. Maybe I should have let it out, all the bottled-up feelings, empty my cup so I can start experiencing and learning.

I feel like if I tell other people of my feelings at this point, it would be like "You ask for it ma!"
Yes I asked for it, I have to survive this no matter what. I need divine assistance to pull through this year! God please help me!