Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Spending one on one time with each child, tough but it's the secret to obedient children!
I have been having some tough time with kids last couple of months getting them to listen to me and getting them to do simple routine everyday task like brush your teeth, eat your breakfast, wash your hands, go and bathe, do your school homework..etc.. No one knew how tough it is to get kids to do these task independently!
A few months back, I came across Amy McCready's positiveparentingsolutions.com, attended their webinar, but I didnt sign up for their online parenting course. ( I think I need it but not so willing to pay for it yet) so I got hold of the book "If I Have to Tell You One More Time..." read it and but didnt put it in practice.
When I hit rock bottom of screaming at kids every single day... risking my baby going deaf... and buying a 'rotan' and keeping behind my bedroom door I realised I need help! I thought to myself, my boys aren't 'bad' kids, it's just that they gets on my nerves when I have to tell them to do simple stuff like a million times a day!
I read the book again and this time I took a note book and wrote down notes. The author uses 'toolbox' to describe the different strategy of tackling parenting challenges. She says that everyone need to feel a sense of belonging and significance. If they can't get it positively, they will get the attention they need negatively (without realising it). And the first thing that hit me was this: " a rebellious child is a discouraged child " which is so true. A uncooperative/disengaged child is a child who wants to be loved, who is feeling neglected and who feels they don't belong and are not significant in the world. This is true and pretty sad when I think about it.
So.. the first tool that I attempted is 'Mind Body and Soul' which is spending special one to one time with each child, preferably 2 X 10 mins a day. I am starting with once 10mins a day before bedtime or before school. Well I'm a stay at home mom and I practically spend 24 hours a day 7 days a week with them, but I realised that I am with them physically but my mind is somewhere else. So I've started since 1st September with what I call it 'Special Time' with each of my boys, almost everyday, and I am happy to say that I'm screaming less! It's not magic, but I can see that they are more responsive when I call them and more willing to cooperate to get the routine stuff done. Which is such a relieve for a mom!
The goal, like the author said, 'is to forget when was the last time I raised my voice'!
Here's another article that talks about this special one on one time with each child as well. Read it, it's enlightening.
I'm taking it step by step, hopefully I will read the goal! :)