Well...I know this is old news. I actually wrote the title to this blog last year- Nov 2018. That is when I started the application to homeschool Trevor. I didn't complete and publish it till now because I wanted to really give it a go for a few months before I talk about the imaginary ideal homeschooling life we would have.
So here we are, 4 months down the road... and we are still homeschooling. YES , somedays I feel like quitting and threatened to send him back to school. Somedays we would quarrel and don't feel like talking to each other. Other days I feel that maybe it will be 'easier' to put him into school and let the teachers and schools worry about his education. Hhmm ... maybe not easier... just a different challenges. There are also the good days when we are happy, learning and bonding. These are the days that keeps me going.
It may have come as a surprise for some, but thinking about learning, education and schooling has been on my mind for many years. I came across homeschooling while searching for a primary school for my eldest son, Tristan. Then, I felt I was not capable of doing it and I was afraid I will not be consistent. And I thought what Baha'ullah (the prophet of Baha'i Faith) envisioned schooling for the future would be like. Education will begin at home but I wasn't sure how homeschooling will look like and how it will allow for our children to mingle with others in society when most people are in mainstream? I do not want my children to be cut off from the world. But little did I know that the opposite is true. School actually is pretty much cut off from the real world. And students have to complete their whole 10+years of studying before actually applying their knowledge in work or in service to the community. It may be changing now but it may take a long time to fully making learning very practical and applicable.
If there could be a new structure of school who can cater to individual learning styles, to constantly encourage the kids and accept each child as a mine rich in gems waiting to be mined and not a empty vessel to be filled, to provide authentic, real, hands on experiences, focus on developing the virtues within, letting the child's interest take the lead, close to nature, contribute to the community, building every child to be successful, confident, happy and fulfilled individuals who feels a sense of belonging in the world we live in.
This is an ideal school... for me, for us.
But currently it does not exist here in Singapore, at least not in 2013 or now for the matter.
So after much research and thought, we decided to enrol Tristan in Primary school in Singapore. Over the years its been lots of ups and downs. I must say we as parents have to be very involved in the schooling of our children, be proactive in finding out what they do in school if not the kids just spend 7-10 hours daily away from us and we don't know what they have experienced. I am happy that he turn out matured, confident, well adjusted and his talents are realised. I am content and feel a sense of relieve that he has done well for his primary years- oh well in the academic traditional sense. This journey is not without struggles and challenges, quarrels and stress. It involves our constantly review, changing our parenting ways, and thinking about how we can support their learning and growth.
Then again, each child is different. For Trevor, his experience in school is a little different. He did not fit into the traditional school system. That being said, if we continue in school, he will probably still survive and turn out alright but is ok enough? We fear for his mental health and tue sanity of our family. We fear that he will be suppressed and his talents not realised. I saw the light in his eyes dimmed over the years as he struggles to wake every morning for school. Each morning was a battle and he cried without reason for almost a whole year. We considered if it was because of a phobia for school? a bully? bad experience? fierce teacher? Lack of sleep?...etc I met and spoke to teachers and found nothing. I spoke with him and didn't find any 'problem'. I waited and observed. We realised he was finding it hard to obey and he was getting very frustrated with everything. For a period he was vomiting a lot over little things that made him uneasy, he was having 'OCD' - like behaviors. (He jokingly says it stands for Obsess about Comfort now). And this went on for months. I would get calls from teachers in school about him forgetting to complete his work, did not bring his books to school. This made me question about the reason of the call, is it because my child is a bad child for forgetting to do his work or bring his book? OR is the call to remind me to get him to remember or to complete his work? Isn't it his responsibility to complete his work? Why should I push him? I will get feedback at every teacher parent conference that he is often daydreaming, short attention span, quiet, not engaged, not having many friends, not sociable.... I would return home with a heavy heart each time.
Thinking back, isn't it funny how we catergorise a child like this as not being a "good student"?
After the calls and the feedback, I would easily get upset with him and would put those expectations on him and make him finish his work, however unwilling he was, or however tired he would be. I resorted to rewards and punishment, giving him more computer game time, taking away free time, play time... all of his favourite thing. And some days I would be so upset about him not taking interest and initiative to do his work that I tell him he will not be having dinner with us if he did not finish his work. And this would send him sobbing in tears while penning down his homework.
Those days were horrible, stressful, and every episode of shouting, frustrations and quarrels brought tears to my eyes and my heart broke seeing him so sad. Chris finally spoke to me one day and said we should really do something about it.
This is when we started researching into other options for him, this was last year end.
Well back tracking a little bit to child no.3. Tyler went to a playschool at 3 for 3 hours and when he completed that year, the playgroup stop taking in 4 yr olds and we were late to registered to the other preschools. Some were too far, too expensive or the timing weren't right for us. So we took that year (2017) off and homeschooled. That was one of the most fulfilling and amazing year of my life. It felt right and both Tyler and I were learning and spending lots of happy time together. We explored forest school, we did many many learning journeys, met so many different homeschooling families, practiced Montessori... (hmm a lot of reflection on this as I tried to set up Montessori school activities at home, but then slowly I found it hard to keep up, and instead, I integrated it into our lifestyle. Instead of putting materials on a tray, I structured it into our daily lives. We still had some 'formal' circle time, music and movement time, more intentional language and math learning. But other than that, a lot of outdoors, a lot of travelling by public transport, a lot of cooking, baking, cleaning. Basically practical life in practice.) Montessori became more of our way of life than a method of learning.
Because of my experience homeschooling Tyler, I got to know the homeschooling community in Singapore and that gave me the confidence to give homeschooling a go.
Since our decision, I got responses and sharing from many others of how they can never homeschool their child as they find it cumbersome to get their child to learn or to do work. Some does not enjoy their kid at home all day ( in the holidays) and feel the need to entertain them all day or keep them away from electronic devices. Others have no clue that this is even possible and probably think we are from mars and crazy taking him out of school at P5 and we are ruining his life!!!
Some people ask if I am qualified to teach? Do I know the syllabus well enough? I am only preschool qualified teacher not primary, sure I know how to teach?
Maybe I should write a FAQ and some of my responses and opinion on the matter. Then again, I am not trying to proof to anyone, homeschooling is our personal choice and a lifestyle of learning as a family.
Chris and I consulted at length about this seemingly high risk- life threatening decision, what is the best and worst scenario, what are our options and so on. We realised we have very little to lose and we are going to give it a go for at least a year and review it at the end of P5 on what to do next. In this sense, we have very little to lose.
About what others have to say, we are at peace with our decision and it doesn't really matter what most people say. Homeschooling is legal in Singapore and we have received permission to do so. So we are not committing a crime! :)
My questions are many, and with each question it comes with many research, thought, meditation, reflection. I go through his daily.. and I have so many new knowledge and understanding or the nature of learning and about life for that matter.
My main learning is, our kids are not entirely ours. God has entrusted these lovely children in our care to nurture and love. To see they fulfill their purpose and realised their talents and discover their role in the service to humanity. We cannot control them and shaped them into what we want to. We can only nurture and support them.
Children love to learn and are born to learn naturally. If we believe and trust this, and provide opportunities, time, lots of time and space, the right accepting environment, they will continually be motivated and will take the extra mile to do more than required. They do not need reward or punishment to learn and to complete their work.
I am seeing for my own eyes that Trevor has transformed from being disengaged, daydreaming, short attention span, quarrelsome, frustrated, disobedient, unmotivated, forgetful, quiet and unsociable(in the school teacher's eyes) to taking initiative, long attention span, engaged and will work till the end until he successfully completes a project, doing purposeful work, contributing to the house hold with his cooking and fixing broken drawers, replacing batteries for his brother's toys, replacing a light bulb...etc.
Now that he is not confined in the structure of our school system, or has tonnes of homework and worksheets to complete after school, he has the time to explore his interest. In this 4 months, he explored...
Drones - fixing one, learning about the mechanism of one, flying and controlling one, learning about safety and rules of one, and reading about news about the regulation of one. Learning to demo and explain to others and sell drones at a kid-entrepreneur fair.
Solar Robot - fixing one, learning about how the robot works, how energy is transferred, experimenting with different light, providing the conditions to help his robot perform at peak. I guided him and supported him. I helped him conceptualize his idea, formalized his hypothesis in words, came up with a presentation and set up a booth to present his findings in the science fair. I struggled with within myself if I should train him and get him to memorized a 'perfect' scripted speech. But then, there is no prize for the best project.. so I just let him be, and I demonstrated how to speak to others about the findings. I didn't pressure him into speaking to others, just let him experience the process. I am glad I did. I think the space I gave him has enable him to step up on his own accord. It does not happen overnight, took time, but I think I am confident he is taking more initiative now we are getting into the next project.
Soldering - he will be busy with soldering his projects hours at a go, taking quick meals and going back to it until he gets it done. He is refining his fine motor skills.
Cooking - he makes great pancakes, toast, eggs- boiled, poached, sunny side up, scrambled, for himself and for each of us. He bakes cupcakes. Kneads and makes breads and kueh. Goes to market with me or Chris to purchase fresh produce, getting the best price, paying and speaking to vendors, knowing what is fresh...etc.
Knitting and crochet - We came across a knitting shop in JB and I introduced the tools to Trevor and if he would like to try it? And that sparked his interest to learn. Well, I know nothing about it and I do not have the time or patience to do that now especially with the younger 2 to care for. I know Chris' mom is very good at that and I told Trevor about it. He immediately went to grandma house and asked her to teach him. He also searched online - videos to learn. So this answers the question of if I am qualified to teach him... I dont know everything for sure. My role is not to learn everything and then teach him. Most of the time, we learn alongside each other. But when I don't know somethings, I show him where we can find the answers. I find others who knows the subject better than us and to ask them to teach us. I am a teacher. But I am also a student. I am not feeding him with answers, but I am guiding him on learning how to learn. How to research. Who to look for to find the answers. If he knows this skill well. He can learn anything.
I can't remember what other interest or hobbies he has picked up, but that's all I have for now.
Socialisation - I thought I will touch on the big socialisation question. Will he have friends? Will he be lonely? Will he be bored at home? When the teachers in school say he is quiet and I need to take note of his socialisation skills, I was little worried at first. But when I asked him why is he quiet.. he told me the teacher asked them to keep quiet, don't talk and listen. Oh well...I guess he was being obedient! hhahah.. To think about it, in school they hardly have much time to make friends or play. And they are grouped together according to the same age, which does not reflect the real world where we will need to interact and work with people of different ages and social classes, different backgrounds, from different countries... etc.
From my observation, I see he makes friends quite easily in the playground. He is sensitive to the younger ones and will assist and guide them when needed. He will speak to the stall uncle or aunty and order the food the way he wants it... like the way his dad teaches him. " Chicken rice, thigh, boneless...etc... ) doing his dad proud. We join co-ops where we meet once a week to play and learn. And learn and play. They have plenty of time to play freely. They make up their own games, they get upset with each other, they learn how to resolve conflicts...etc. He socialise and make friends with all ages. We have 4 at home with wide age group, they talk, play, fight, resolve conflict, work together, etc.. We play at playground every other day. We have neighbours' kids over to play. We arrange play dates with his good friend from his previous school. We have devotionals and dinners and Bahai gatherings where we prepare meals and set up the house and welcomed all. We make friends with all races and nationality.
The thing that I realised is, I gave him the time and space to find himself. His own character. I realised he has a sense of humour and can carry a conversation with people of different ages. Of course not perfect but I am beginning to see the side of him that I have not seen before. Being able to socialised well also require one to know himself. Once he is confident of his own self, he is then able to relate better with others.
There are also many other questions like... How can I cope with 4 kids (one being a baby), and homeschooling? I struggled through it actually. first it was physical fatigue of carrying and bringing my baby everywhere we go. Being on time for co-ops! And changing and adapting learning with a growing baby who crawls and walk everywhere, putting everything in the mouth, wanting to be carried all the time some days, breastfeeding, changing nap times, sick....etc. So many factors.
But we are working through it. Firstly I am very grateful for the supportive homeschooling community. They would help me carry the baby and watch him during co-ops. The kids will shower baby with lots of love and some are old enough to watch and carry him. Planning and preparing ahead of time helps. And knowing Mondays mornings are always difficult to book cab, so I have found public transport route that will bring us to the places. I just have to leave the house earlier.
But then again no one is there to judge you for being late. So I don't feel too pressured, and because of that, I feel I can manage and I am happy to say we have been a bit earlier for co-ops.
Homeschooling is more of a lifestyle, we don't just do ' school' for a certain number of hours. But learning happens all the time and in all ways. I am glad to say that my kids have found ways to entertain and babysit Travis when they have to do work, or when they don't want Travis to mess up their card or board games. They know what interest their brother and what he can or cannot do. They are getting pretty good (not all the time) but they can focus with the noise and the chaos in the house. They work it out among themselves when they know mummy needs help. One will carry the baby bag, one will carry the baby, the other will fold the pram and load it into the taxi, or push the pram and carry it up the bus and up and down the elevator and on and off the train. One will also open the google map to check the shortest route, check when is the next bus arriving..etc.
We have become quite a good team! :)
So...I have learnt that it's not easy. Not just about homeschooling, but about having 4 kids!
But it's possible and if you don't give up, you will find a way to make it through the hard times and you become pretty good at it. Well once you are good at certain things, do not be content as new challenges lies ahead!
I have learnt to also pray, place my trust in God and live my life as if my prayers have been answered.
Here are two prayer that carries me through the hard times... more learnings ahead.
O Lord! Unto Thee I repair for refuge...
OLord! Unto Thee I repair for refuge, and toward all Thy signs I set my heart.
O Lord! Whether traveling or at home, and in my occupation or in my work, I place my whole trust in Thee.
Grant me then Thy sufficing help so as to make me independent of all things, O Thou Who art unsurpassed in Thy mercy!
Bestow upon me my portion, O Lord, as Thou pleasest, and cause me to be satisfied with whatsoever Thou hast ordained for me.
Thine is the absolute authority to command.
The Báb
Be calm, be strong, be grateful, and become a lamp full of light, that the darkness of sorrows be annihilated, and that the sun of everlasting joy arise from the dawning-place of heart and soul, shining brightly. — ‘Abdu’l-Bahá
