No more ipad, iphone for my boys!

During the last Parent-Teacher meeting in school, Trevor's teacher suggested I stop all iphone/ipad for him. This is same for all the other kids in school as there's an increasing trend of kids getting disengaged in learning, poor socialization skills, kids wearing spectacles and most importantly of all I feel is the addiction! Even when the kids are not playing the games, they are constantly thinking and talking about it. I have been getting frustrated with my boys asking & talking to me about games day and night for some time now, and I know there's something very wrong here. Kids should be spending more time outdoors, catching spiders, playing footballs, excited n curious about everything under the sun! But no... I dont see that in my kids much these days. And who's to blame? I dont know. But as a parent I think I have to be really mindful about planning activites for the kids as it's easy to fall into the trap of the digital age.

The teacher in school told me that she did it with her kids, she totally stop all eletronic games for her 2 kids. At first I was skeptical! I mean.. really!?!?!? HOw??? I talked to Chris that night and we decided that ya, we can't just limit their usage because they are really missing out on so much more wonderful stuff when they are eating, thinking, living in the digital world. So this is it!


We have stopped all smart phone usage for them except for some selected computer games and selected (recorded) suitable TV shows. But it's not easy of course. There's were some withdrawal syndromes, but we stuck to it and in place of it, we started spending more 'quality' time (as mentioned in my last post) playing board games, reading, cooking, planting together. So I guess we are on the right track. Now the challenge is to keep it up and be consistent!

We had some troubles... one main one being other kids having these games and their friends talking and playing these games which they are not allowed to... Well, as a mom, I don't want him to hate me for a start! and I don't want them to the weird kid that did not fit in as well. I tried to explain to him that not all the things that everyone is doing is the right thing to do. I explain to him why we have chosen not to play all these games at all was so that we can have more fun doing other stuff. I can feel him feeling sad when we go out and other parents let their kids play the phone and he doesn't get to play it. But I guess this is part of life, you have to choose what's best for you and your kids. Not what everyone else is doing. Change is painful and a process, it takes time, yet change is necessary for something better.

And another thing that I'm trying to do... (haven't figure it out yet) is to cut down digital time for me as well! Children learn through modelling. They learn their ways through imitating and habits at home. You can see why the child behave in certain ways when you see the parents and siblings. They all behave the same/similar ways. It's quite cute actually! SOoo.. where did they first learn to play these electronic games? through us! the Adults in their life!

When I first got my smart phone, I was so excited as I can do so much when during the time I'm breastfeeding or waiting in line... etc... But I realised I am compromising my quality with my baby. I used to sing rhymes and prayers to my other kids when I breastfeed them. Now, I'm just checking my emails and facebook when I feed Tyler... I think smart phones are a wonderful inventions and I still my smartphone but if we're not careful it's consuming our lives, we are no longer living the moments and we are compromising on more important things in life.
 I saw this video... it's so true and sad isn't it?

http://youtu.be/OINa46HeWg8



This is from a book that I'm reading now, I can't find the quote that I wanted to share... but it has something to do with comparing kids getting addicted to these electronics as losing your child's soul to the digital world... Scary! you wont see the effects until they are older but habits start from young, so we should be really careful what we are giving to our kids.

Will do a little book review later on but this is another good read for anyone who has son/s. I realized my problem of not getting through to my kids may be because I'm not a boy! I have 3 boys so I probably need to know understand them and how to talk to them.

Boys Should Be Boys: 7 Secrets to Raising Healthy Sons by Meg Meeker 

http://www.amazon.com/Boys-Should-Be-Secrets-Raising/dp/034551369X
(you can read some pages of the book on amazon, and there're some great reviews by other parents.)
http://www.cumcmemphis.org/assets/1549/boys_should_be_boys_review.pdf
(I googled the title and this came up- a summary/content of what's in this book, have a read :)

Spending one on one time with each child, tough but it's the secret to obedient children!

I have been having some tough time with kids last couple of months getting them to listen to me and getting them to do simple routine everyday task like brush your teeth, eat your breakfast, wash your hands, go and bathe, do your school homework..etc.. No one knew how tough it is to get kids to do these task independently!

A few months back, I came across Amy McCready's positiveparentingsolutions.com, attended their webinar, but I didnt sign up for their online parenting course. ( I think I need it but not so willing to pay for it yet) so I got hold of the book "If I Have to Tell You One More Time..." read it and but didnt put it in practice.

When I hit rock bottom of screaming at kids every single day... risking my baby going deaf... and buying a 'rotan' and keeping behind my bedroom door I realised I need help! I thought to myself, my boys aren't 'bad' kids, it's just that they gets on my nerves when I have to tell them to do simple stuff like a million times a day!

I read the book again and this time I took a note book and wrote down notes. The author uses 'toolbox' to describe the different strategy of tackling parenting challenges.  She says that everyone need to feel a sense of belonging and significance. If they can't get it positively, they will get the attention they need negatively (without realising it). And the first thing that hit me was this: " a rebellious child is a discouraged child " which is so true. A uncooperative/disengaged child is a child who wants to be loved, who is feeling neglected and who feels they don't belong and are not significant in the world. This is true and pretty sad when I think about it.

So.. the first tool that I attempted is 'Mind Body and Soul' which is spending special one to one time with each child, preferably 2 X 10 mins a day. I am starting with once 10mins a day before bedtime or before school.  Well I'm a stay at home mom and I practically spend 24 hours a day 7 days a week with them, but I realised that I am with them physically but my mind is somewhere else. So I've started  since 1st September with what I call it 'Special Time' with each of my boys, almost everyday, and I am happy to say that I'm screaming less!  It's not magic, but I can see that they are more responsive when I call them and more willing to cooperate to get the routine stuff done. Which is such a relieve for a mom!

The goal, like the author said, 'is to forget when was the last time I raised my voice'!

Here's another article that talks about this special one on one time with each child as well. Read it, it's enlightening.
http://www.motherhoodonadime.com/kids/fitting-in-one-on-one-time-with-your-kids/

I'm taking it step by step, hopefully I will read the goal! :)

The Gentle Revolution

On the bookshelf of my dad's room, sits this book: " How to multiply your child's intelligence" by Glen Doman. I think he bought it when my mom was pregnant with my brother. I noticed it, but never picked it up before.

When I was pregnant with my first boy, my dad passed it to me to read. Then, I wasn't much a 'reader' I couldn't read books without pictures and I would fall asleep after a page or two. I took it and just left it in my book shelf. Don't get me wrong, I was planning on reading it later. :)

After I became a mother, I realised that reading is a necessity and I needed to read to learn how to educate and parent my child. And I wanted my children to grow up to love reading, to cultivate a good habit. Gotta set an example.

With this desire to learn more, I actually started to love reading. The more I read, the more excited I got. I started reading books on Attachment parenting, on babywearing, on breastfeeding, on love languages of a child, on personal growth, on how to be a Work-at-home mom, on Montessori,... and finally I pick up another Glen Doman book - 'How to teach your baby to read & How to teach your baby math' from a 'junk' sale - I knew it was a good book ( I thought: buy it first since it's cheap, I'll read it later on when I get time :)

And finally I got the time to flip through some pages, I read that it's easier to teach a 1 year old to read then a 2 years old, it's easier to teach a 3 year old to read than a 6 year old. Trevor is going to be 1.5yrs... I better hurry before I miss this golden age. ( the kiasu-ism in me sprung up! Hehehe) I am not all out to 'win', I want to give my child the stimulation and everything I can to let his fullest potential shine. No pressure, just joyful learning and bonding. :)

I am still in the first few pages of the book and I am surprised that this book has so much more to offer. It's is 'revolutionary'! It doesn't just tell you, ok 1st step, do this... then do that. Your child will become a genius!

No it talks about the potential in each baby to learn to read at an early age, and how they have studied over 20+ years and gave life to children who were brain-injured. These children were told that they will be a 'vegetable' for the rest of their life as they can't walk, talk or move by themselves. But through a prescribe method of training, these children can walk, talk and read like a average or some exceed an average well child.

I've yet to discover how to teach my baby to read, will update you more once I get to that part. Here's a video to share.



http://www.gentlerevolution.com

My favourite book on Montessori :)

How To Raise An Amazing Child the Montessori Way by Tim Seldin


Like any DK published books, this book is well illustrated, to the point and easy to read. It covers all areas enough for a person who has little or no knowledge on this subject. For people like me who is not much of a reader,( I can never get through big fat thick books!) it's great, I enjoyed it so much that I borrowed from the library again.. and hhmm maybe I might end up buying one for my own collection of books :)
It has great simple ideas where you can incorporate in your daily life with your child, things to do to stimulate their senses and games: they call it "purposeful" play, where they learn so much through simple non-competitive games.

Borrowed the books :)

Manage to go to the library in Woodlands, Singapore and borrowed some interesting books just a week before my due date!:)

The Joyful Child:
The Montessori Method for 0-3 Years at michaelolaf.net
My Review:Interesting book which gives a simple summary or explanation on Montessori for 0-3 Years. But note that half of each page is filled with 'advertisement' of baby apparels and tools for montessori. A better option is to just check out the link above,the online pages have the latest write up without adverts.

Still reading the other books I borrowed. Will update later. :)

Some interesting books I found on Montessori

Like it or not, I realised that we are often influenced by what others say and what others think. Because Montessori is not widely understood and most of the schools which require higher running cost for the low teacher-student ratio and the tools required to train the child, the school fees is generally higher.

I guess the only way is to find out more for ourselves.
"Knowledge gives you wings... gives you confidence!" :)

So I search online and found these books, went to the bookstore to have a look... (a bit pricy to purchase, so I just read it there :) hhehe... Trying to borrow the following books from the Singapore Library, but most of it is on loan... hhmm must be pretty popular then.

Some links for books:
Montessori Books @ Amazon.com
Montessori Books Australia

Photos from amazon.com

Montessori Play And Learn: A Parent's Guide to Purposeful Play from Two to Six by Lesley Britton













Teaching Montessori in the Home: Pre-School Years: The Pre-School Years by Elizabeth G. Hainstock












Why Montessori? How to choose the right school? by Aisha

This book is written by a Malaysian lady who lived overseas for a couple of years, came back to Malaysia to work as a Lawyer. She later became a mother and was inspired to become a Montessori educator. In this book, she gives a good overview of Montessori and the comparison between Montessori and other pre-schools. It's a great guide for parents who really want to find out more for themselves.





How To Raise An Amazing Child the Montessori Way by Tim Seldin

Problem waking up early!

I have been horrible at waking up early. I'll open my eyes at 8am when my alarm rings, tell myself to go back to bed, and snooze off for another hour or so. Then when I do wake up- late, I feel so awful! Ahhh... There goes the mood for the whole day. I feel so bad that I'll not sleep early at night cos I feel that I have wasted the whole day! Seems like a vicious cycle that I am trying to beat.

When I was working, I had to force myself to wake up no matter what time I sleep. At least there was something to push me. But now.. it feels like I have 'no reason' to wake up early. Feels like everyday is a Sunday to me... oh... how nice to snuggle with four pillows and blanket when the weather is cold and rainy.

I googled 'problem waking up early' and I got the following interesting links to share. Just in case there's anyone sharing the same problem.

How to become a early riser?

Waking Up Early - Why is it so hard?

Becoming a early person

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Not sure whether I can pull all this 'working from home', 'running own business' off. I just find it harder and harder to motivate myself each day. It feels like what I read in the book 'The Milk Memos'.

Oh ya before I forget, I recommend this wonderful book that I just completed: "The milk memos" by Cate Colburn-Smith and Andrea Serrette. It's a hilarious book by 2 mothers from America working for working for IBM. They started to write down their thoughts and feelings into a note book in the lactation room where they express their milk for the babies while they continue to work after giving birth. They also provide tips and advice for mothers who wants to continue to breastfeed, and how they mix being a mother and working. http://www.milkmemos.com/

There's a section that talks about working from home: "How it can be very hard to concentrate when the love of your life is right there next to you... that you may feel guilty when you cant give him the full attention... about missing social interaction with co-workers..."

Well that is ME! exactly! Still trying... and keeping myself going! Wish me luck!