Finally out of Hibernation! Some thoughts on Homeschooling and Education .

Inspiration way passed midnight.

I have some random questions in my mind which I have been thinking about.

Why do kids say they are not good in anything?

Why do kids feel they are bad at certain things?

Why do kids get bored easily?

Can kids be motivated to learn?

When I tell them I took my son out of school to homeschool at P5. 

People either say: "wow.. You can la! I can never teach my own. I will vomit blood." 

OR

"Wah, you must be very good in all subjects huh?" 

OR

"You mean its possible? Is it legal?" 

OR

Some might probably think that I am crazy and I am ruining his life!

There is so much so much misconception of how children learn and how children are actually naturally curious and want to learn. It is us.. and our one size fit all system that put this fire out for the kids. 

I homeschool my boys, but I don't teach my boy much. You must be wondering.   Then how does he learn? 

Children naturally want to learn! So if we do not interfere with nature, they will learn even without me teaching. 

My role is more like a facilitator and a manager. I plan and manage his curriculum in collaboration with him and his needs and interest. I help to organise educational experience that will feed this interest and further develop his skill and ability. I support their learning. It is only this year where we prepare for the national exam that I had to step in to teach the specific skills and knowledge needed to pass the examination. And some I engaged good tutors to assist.  Yes homeschool kids can go tuition and they can take classes from others beside their mom. But in Singapore, a child who is a citizen, cannot enrol their child in a private full time institution like a private school. 

A visit to Victoria Concert Hall.
(Picture taken before Pandemic.)

So... Point is education can be twitched to fit the child. And homeschooling provide the space and time for my boy to grow and learn holistically. And through this, he is discovering himself, his interest, his passion, strength and knows what he want to do in life. And also he knows his family well and though we sometimes argue but we have a good talking relationship. Very rare to be on good talking terms with tweens or teens these days. 

Did you know what you wanted to do when you finish secondary school?

We are asked to follow and we are being fitted into the standardised good student that anything outside the standard means we are not good, not smart or not successful. We dont have much time to explore our interest because we have fixed program that we have to attend, heaps of homework to do and lots of after school tuition. We are being dictated what to do. In the end when we do conform and fit in..  We loose ourselves. No wonder most are clueless of their strength and what they want to do in life. Because the formative years are being used to accessively push the child towards academic success, which is the accepted norm of what success look like. Anything outside is considered a failure. 

Further into life we see graduates who are placed into their fields because of society expectations and of motivation for monetary gains instead of truly realising their strengths and potential and really loving what they do and knowing what they do best. This is when fulfillment is very low and we end up having high rate of depression. 

This is a very vicious cycle... And it needs to begin with a good, balanced education that respects the child as an individual. To see the future through the eyes of each and every unique child, each having some amazing to contribute to the whole. Instead of having a system who filters the kids who do not fit in and decide their life for them from a very young age. 

God willing we will be able to recognise this and move towards a greater ever advancing civilisation with the right kind, true kind of education which will unleashed the latent powers of our children for the betterment of the world. 

-->Will write about the other questions another day.

--> And stay tuned... I will be updating on my 2year journey of Homeschooling a P5-P6, PSLE kid in Singapore.

-->Our chapter for Homeschooling in the primary years will be closing soon. But homeschooling a 2.5yr old will begin soon!

#HomeschoolSG

#HomeschoolingSG

#FreeToLearn

#UnleashPotential

#BettermentOfTheWorld

#EverAdvancingCivilization

Fear Of Missing Out

Advertisements are everywhere!!?!?! We are slapped with so many statements to tell us we are not good enough, we need what they are offering to feel happy, to succeed, to be rich, to be able to fly???

Facebook, youtube... everywhere I turn is showing me what they think I am interested in... For my case is educational related ads. Firstly I am being tracked.. Hhmmm not comfortable with that.

Secondly these ads.. It makes me feel I am not doing enough for my kids or they are losing out and will not get a headstart in school if I dont sign them up for the math class, the psle course, the make your child focus... Brain training... Etc...

It taps on our fears of missing out. Apparently theres a term for it. FOMO.

But why?... Is it ok if 6 year old is not reading yet?

Is it ok if my 10 year old doesn't sit and focus when we do math?  Can he lie down on the ground to do work? Can he be learning when playing?

Do my kids need to go for every enrichment classes there are? Ok.. This I got sucked in... I worked out my expenditure for the kids enrichment programs... And i saw the grand total... OMG..  Way way too high. But its for 3 kids.. So.. Hhmm not to say its ok.. I am thinking what is necessary. Should we continue sending because we can afford it? Is it necessary? I need to constantly reflect and review our priorities... Because I have some FOMO too... The influence is too strong.. I can ignore once.. Twice.. After a while, I start clicking and signing up for free trials.  Need to focus.. And control... If not our lives will be taken over by someone else priorities.

Another question is aren't they learning math in school? Why do they need tuition? If tuition works... Why do they need school??

This fear of missing out I feel is because...

Number 1: We believe ALL children must learn the same things at the same time. So if your child is not walking by a certain age.. He is losing out.. If he is not reading at a certain age... He is going to be behind in school... And that is bad... Because his future is going to be ruined if he doesnt do well in school!!!?!?!..

Number 2: We categorise learning into grades.. By primary 1, a child MUST learn this or that.. He dont need to learn science, because he needs to focus on building up languages first... (an example).

What if he is interested in the world around him.. Do we tell him, dont need to learn that now.. Because you are going to learn that few years later. And when the 'time' comes.. .. his curiousity.. his interest would have died.

We are all born to be creative, its not a gift or talent that only a few are bestowed with.

Reason why creativity slowly dissapear is because we tell kids... This is what u need to learn to pass the exam and that would mean that u are successful. Don't need to learn anything else because it is not in the exam syllabus.. Or if u are doing anything else other than studying for exams.. you should feel guilty and you are wasting your time.

Someone shared with me that... Many Grade A students end up working for Grade C students. Got me thinking... Why? Because grade A students is busy learning by the book and studying for exam.. Where grade c students is busy playing.. Catching spiders.. Imagining.. Dreaming.. About other things. And this time spent dreaming.. Thinking.. Playing.. These experiences makes him different from the cohord of students coming out with straight As from the factory (aka schools). (excuse the generalisation.. just my opinion.. And putting a point across. Great if you are those who can do both... :) ..

This day dreamer will be able to think creatively.. To problem solve... To go beyond required and pursue his interest or invent something.. Or.. I dont know.. The sky is the limit.. Or maybe there's no limit anymore.

Just something for me to reflect on... And sharing a message.

Beware... For we will fall into this trap, and feel inadequate. Reflect and ponder often, what is our values, what is necessary, what is more important in life.

Views on learning and education.

When we first move to Singapore, I often regret about the move. Leaving begin comfort and familarity.  But after 4 years, looking back, I realised that we were destined to move here. Things have happened along the way that have changed the way I look at things. My experiences homeschooling a toddler-preschooler, experiences in forest school, having met so many amazing homeschooling families from all over the world in Singapore and now homeschooling a primary 5 kid. The people I have met, have inspired me and truly treasure these relationships I have. 

My views on learning, parenting and life in general has changed. I now see schooling and society at large from a different perspective. Briefly, here are just some of my realisation. 

I have come to understand the following...

• Education is compulsory but not schooling
• Schools were create right about the same time when prisons are created. 
• Homework has not been proven to help improve grades or knowledge.
• Grades are not an accurate reflection of intelligence. 
• Being able to read and write does not equate to intelligence. 
• Children are naturally curious and love to acquire knowledge. Not just when they are baby,toddler or preschool ages.
• Children are self motivated if given freedom, space and time.
• Each child develops at their own pace and have innate potential.
• Children can learn through play
• Children can learn better through play
• Children learn better outdoors. (proven by research--will see if I can find the reference) 
• Resilence cannot be developed through textbook or man made situations.
• Letting go is hard but once I have started letting go and respect the growth and development of the child, I started to see magic. They begin to take charge of their own learning, I can see them bloom like a flower. Their innate potential and personality started to unfold and reveal itself.

Here are some of my learnings from these few years and especially these few months of homeschooling. I feel that I am just at the beginning of my journey or rather our journey. Please feel free to comment and share your views. 

We are officially homeschooling a primary 5 kid!

Well...I know this is old news. I actually wrote the title to this blog last year- Nov 2018. That is when I started the application to homeschool Trevor. I didn't complete and publish it till now because I wanted to really give it a go for a few months before I talk about the imaginary ideal homeschooling life we would have.

So here we are, 4 months down the road... and we are still homeschooling. YES , somedays I feel like quitting and threatened to send him back to school. Somedays we would quarrel and don't feel like talking to each other. Other days I feel that maybe it will be  'easier' to put him into school and let the teachers and schools worry about his education. Hhmm ... maybe not easier... just a different challenges. There are also the good days when we are happy, learning and bonding. These are the days that keeps me going.

It may have come as a surprise for some, but thinking about learning, education and schooling has been on my mind for many years. I came across homeschooling while searching for a primary school for my eldest son, Tristan. Then, I felt I was not capable of doing it and I was afraid I will not be consistent. And I thought what Baha'ullah (the prophet of Baha'i Faith) envisioned schooling for the future would be like. Education will begin at home but I wasn't sure how homeschooling will look like and how it will allow for our children to mingle with others in society when most people are in mainstream? I do not want my children to be cut off from the world. But little did I know that the opposite is true. School actually is pretty much cut off from the real world. And students have to complete their whole 10+years of studying before actually applying their knowledge in work or in service to the community. It may be changing now but it may take a long time to fully making learning very practical and applicable.

If there could be a new structure of school who can cater to individual learning styles, to constantly encourage the kids and accept each child as a mine rich in gems waiting to be mined and not a empty vessel to be filled, to provide authentic, real, hands on experiences, focus on developing the virtues within, letting the child's interest take the lead, close to nature, contribute to the community, building every child to be successful, confident, happy and fulfilled individuals who feels a sense of belonging in the world we live in.

This is an ideal school... for me, for us.

But currently it does not exist here in Singapore, at least not in 2013 or now for the matter.

So after much research and thought, we decided to enrol Tristan in Primary school in Singapore. Over the years its been lots of ups and downs. I must say we as parents have to be very involved in the schooling of our children, be proactive in finding out what they do in school if not the kids just spend 7-10 hours daily away from us and we don't know what they have experienced. I am happy that he turn out matured, confident, well adjusted and his talents are realised. I am content and feel a sense of relieve that he has done well for his primary years- oh well in the academic traditional sense. This journey is not without struggles and challenges, quarrels and stress. It involves our constantly review, changing our parenting ways, and thinking about how we can support their learning and growth.

Then again, each child is different. For Trevor, his experience in school is a little different. He did not fit into the traditional school system. That being said, if we continue in school, he will probably still survive and turn out alright but is ok enough? We fear for his mental health and tue sanity of our family. We fear that he will be suppressed and his talents not realised. I saw the light in his eyes dimmed over the years as he struggles to wake every morning for school. Each morning was a battle and he cried without reason for almost a whole year. We considered if it was because of a phobia for school? a bully? bad experience? fierce teacher? Lack of sleep?...etc I met and spoke to teachers and found nothing. I spoke with him and didn't find any 'problem'. I waited and observed. We realised he was finding it hard to obey and he was getting very frustrated with everything. For a period he was vomiting a lot over little things that made him uneasy, he was having 'OCD' - like behaviors. (He jokingly says it stands for Obsess about Comfort now). And this went on for months. I would get calls from teachers in school about him forgetting to complete his work, did not bring his books to school. This made me question about the reason of the call, is it because my child is a bad child for forgetting to do his work or bring his book? OR is the call to remind me to get him to remember or to complete his work? Isn't it his responsibility to complete his work? Why should I push him? I will get feedback at every teacher parent conference that he is often daydreaming, short attention span, quiet, not engaged, not having many friends, not sociable.... I would return home with a heavy heart each time.

Thinking back, isn't it funny how we catergorise a child like this as not being a "good student"?

After the calls and the feedback, I would easily get upset with him and would put those expectations on him and make him finish his work, however unwilling he was, or however tired he would be. I resorted to rewards and punishment, giving him more computer game time, taking away free time, play time... all of his favourite thing. And some days I would be so upset about him not taking interest and initiative to do his work that I tell him he will not be having dinner with us if he did not finish his work. And this would send him sobbing in tears while penning down his homework.

Those days were horrible, stressful, and every episode of shouting, frustrations and quarrels brought tears to my eyes and my heart broke seeing him so sad. Chris finally spoke to me one day and said we should really do something about it.

This is when we started researching into other options for him, this was last year end.

Well back tracking a little bit to child no.3. Tyler went to a playschool at 3 for 3 hours and when he completed that year, the playgroup stop taking in 4 yr olds and we were late to registered to the other preschools. Some were too far, too expensive or the timing weren't right for us. So we took that year (2017) off and homeschooled. That was one of the most fulfilling and amazing year of my life. It felt right and both Tyler and I were learning and spending lots of happy time together. We explored forest school, we did many many learning journeys, met so many different homeschooling families, practiced Montessori... (hmm a lot of reflection on this as I tried to set up Montessori school activities at home, but then slowly I found it hard to keep up, and instead, I integrated it into our lifestyle. Instead of putting materials on a tray, I structured it into our daily lives. We still had some 'formal' circle time, music and movement time,  more intentional language and math learning. But other than that, a lot of outdoors, a lot of travelling by public transport, a lot of cooking, baking, cleaning. Basically practical life in practice.) Montessori became more of our way of life than a method of learning.

Because of my experience homeschooling Tyler, I got to know the homeschooling community in Singapore and that gave me the confidence to give homeschooling a go.

Since our decision, I got responses and sharing from many others of how they can never homeschool their child as they find it cumbersome to get their child to learn or to do work. Some does not enjoy their kid at home all day ( in the holidays) and feel the need to entertain them all day or keep them away from electronic devices. Others have no clue that this is even possible and probably think we are from mars and crazy taking him out of school at P5 and we are ruining his life!!!

Some people ask if I am qualified to teach? Do I know the syllabus well enough? I am only preschool qualified teacher not primary, sure I know how to teach?

Maybe I should write a FAQ and some of my responses and opinion on the matter. Then again, I am not trying to proof to anyone, homeschooling is our personal choice and a lifestyle of learning as a family.

Chris and I consulted at length about this seemingly high risk- life threatening decision, what is the best and worst scenario, what are our options and so on. We realised we have very little to lose and we are going to give it a go for at least a year and review it at the end of P5 on what to do next. In this sense, we have very little to lose.

About what others have to say, we are at peace with our decision and it doesn't really matter what most people say. Homeschooling is legal in Singapore and we have received permission to do so. So we are not committing a crime! :)

My questions are many, and with each question it comes with many research, thought, meditation, reflection. I go through his daily.. and I have so many new knowledge and understanding or the nature of learning and about life for that matter.

My main learning is, our kids are not entirely ours. God has entrusted these lovely children in our care to nurture and love. To see they fulfill their purpose and realised their talents and discover their role in the service to humanity. We cannot control them and shaped them into what we want to. We can only nurture and support them.

Children love to learn and are born to learn naturally. If we believe and trust this, and provide opportunities, time, lots of time and space, the right accepting environment, they will continually be motivated and will take the extra mile to do more than required. They do not need reward or punishment to learn and to complete their work.

I am seeing for my own eyes that Trevor has transformed from being disengaged, daydreaming, short attention span, quarrelsome, frustrated, disobedient, unmotivated, forgetful, quiet and unsociable(in the school teacher's eyes) to taking initiative, long attention span, engaged and will work till the end until he successfully completes a project, doing purposeful work, contributing to the house hold with his cooking and fixing broken drawers, replacing batteries for his brother's toys, replacing a light bulb...etc.

Now that he is not confined in the structure of our school system, or has tonnes of homework and worksheets to complete after school, he has the time to explore his interest. In this 4 months, he explored...

Drones - fixing one, learning about the mechanism of one, flying and controlling one, learning about safety and rules of one, and reading about news about the regulation of one. Learning to demo and explain to others and sell drones at a kid-entrepreneur fair.

Solar Robot - fixing one, learning about how the robot works, how energy is transferred, experimenting with different light, providing the conditions to help his robot perform at peak. I guided him and supported him. I helped him conceptualize his idea, formalized his hypothesis in words, came up with a presentation and set up a booth to present his findings in the science fair. I struggled with within myself if I should train him and get him to memorized a 'perfect' scripted speech. But then, there is no prize for the best project.. so I just let him be, and I demonstrated how to speak to others about the findings. I didn't pressure him into speaking to others, just let him experience the process. I am glad I did. I think the space I gave him has enable him to step up on his own accord. It does not happen overnight, took time, but I think I am confident he is taking more initiative now we are getting into the next project.

Soldering - he will be busy with soldering his projects hours at a go, taking quick meals and going back to it until he gets it done. He is refining his fine motor skills.

Cooking - he makes great pancakes, toast, eggs- boiled, poached, sunny side up, scrambled,  for himself and for each of us. He bakes cupcakes. Kneads and makes breads and kueh. Goes to market with me or Chris to purchase fresh produce, getting the best price, paying and speaking to vendors, knowing what is fresh...etc.

Knitting and crochet - We came across a knitting shop in JB and I introduced the tools to Trevor and if he would like to try it? And that sparked his interest to learn. Well, I know nothing about it and I do not have the time or patience to do that now especially with the younger 2 to care for. I know Chris' mom is very good at that and I told Trevor about it. He immediately went to grandma house and asked her to teach him. He also searched online - videos to learn.  So this answers the question of if I am qualified to teach him... I dont know everything for sure. My role is not to learn everything and then teach him. Most of the time, we learn alongside each other. But when I don't know somethings, I show him where we can find the answers. I find others who knows the subject better than us and to ask them to teach us. I am a teacher. But I am also a student. I am not feeding him with answers, but I am guiding him on learning how to learn. How to research. Who to look for to find the answers. If he knows this skill well. He can learn anything.

I can't remember what other interest or hobbies he has picked up, but that's all I have for now.

Socialisation - I thought I will touch on the big socialisation question. Will he have friends? Will he be lonely? Will he be bored at home? When the teachers in school say he is quiet and I need to take note of his socialisation skills, I was little worried at first. But when I asked him why is he quiet.. he told me the teacher asked them to keep quiet, don't talk and listen. Oh well...I guess he was being obedient! hhahah.. To think about it, in school they hardly have much time to make friends or play. And they are grouped together according to the same age, which does not reflect the real world where we will need to interact and work with people of different ages and social classes, different backgrounds, from different countries... etc.

From my observation, I see he makes friends quite easily in the playground. He is sensitive to the younger ones and will assist and guide them when needed. He will speak to the stall uncle or aunty and order the food the way he wants it... like the way his dad teaches him. " Chicken rice, thigh, boneless...etc... ) doing his dad proud. We join co-ops where we meet once a week to play and learn. And learn and play. They have plenty of time to play freely. They make up their own games, they get upset with each other, they learn how to resolve conflicts...etc. He socialise and make friends with all ages. We have 4 at home with wide age group, they talk, play, fight, resolve conflict, work together, etc.. We play at playground every other day. We have neighbours' kids over to play. We arrange play dates with his good friend from his previous school. We have devotionals and dinners and Bahai gatherings where we prepare meals and set up the house and welcomed all. We make friends with all races and nationality.

The thing that I realised is, I gave him the time and space to find himself. His own character. I realised he has a sense of humour and can carry a conversation with people of different ages. Of course not perfect but I am beginning to see the side of him that I have not seen before. Being able to socialised well also require one to know himself. Once he is confident of his own self, he is then able to relate better with others.


There are also many other questions like... How can I cope with 4 kids (one being a baby), and homeschooling? I struggled through it actually. first it was physical fatigue of carrying and bringing my baby everywhere we go. Being on time for co-ops! And changing and adapting learning with a growing baby who crawls and walk everywhere, putting everything in the mouth, wanting to be carried all the time some days, breastfeeding, changing nap times, sick....etc. So many factors.

But we are working through it. Firstly I am very grateful for the supportive homeschooling community. They would help me carry the baby and watch him during co-ops. The kids will shower baby with lots of love and some are old enough to watch and carry him. Planning and preparing ahead of time helps. And knowing Mondays mornings are always difficult to book cab, so I have found public transport route that will bring us to the places. I just have to leave the house earlier.

But then again no one is there to judge you for being late. So I don't feel too pressured, and because of that, I feel I can manage and I am happy to say we have been a bit earlier for co-ops.

Homeschooling is more of a lifestyle, we don't just do ' school' for a certain number of hours. But learning happens all the time and in all ways. I am glad to say that my kids have found ways to entertain and babysit Travis when they have to do work, or when they don't want Travis to mess up their card or board games. They know what interest their brother and what he can or cannot do.  They are getting pretty good (not all the time) but they can focus with the noise and the chaos in the house. They work it out among themselves when they know mummy needs help. One will carry the baby bag, one will carry the baby, the other will fold the pram and load it into the taxi, or push the pram and carry it up the bus and up and down the elevator and on and off the train. One will also open the google map to check the shortest route, check when is the next bus arriving..etc.

We have become quite a good team! :)

So...I have learnt that it's not easy. Not just about homeschooling, but about having 4 kids!

But it's possible and if you don't give up, you will find a way to make it through the hard times and you become pretty good at it. Well once you are good at certain things, do not be content as new challenges lies ahead!

I have learnt to also pray, place my trust in God and live my life as if my prayers have been answered.

Here are two prayer that carries me through the hard times... more learnings ahead.

O Lord! Unto Thee I repair for refuge...

OLord! Unto Thee I repair for refuge, and toward all Thy signs I set my heart.

O Lord!  Whether traveling or at home, and in my occupation or in my work, I place my whole trust in Thee.

Grant me then Thy sufficing help so as to make me independent of all things, O Thou Who art unsurpassed in Thy mercy!

Bestow upon me my portion, O Lord, as Thou pleasest, and cause me to be satisfied with whatsoever Thou hast ordained for me.

Thine is the absolute authority to command.

The Báb 

Be calm, be strong, be grateful, and become a lamp full of light, that the darkness of sorrows be annihilated, and that the sun of everlasting joy arise from the dawning-place of heart and soul, shining brightly. — ‘Abdu’l-Bahá

Do you believe children love to learn?

What happen to the years when they are so curious about things around them? From birth to the time before they start school, they have already acquired so many knowledge and skills. They learn to crawl, walk, run, speak, sing, cry, read, write, draw... etc. They have this light in their eyes, the burning desire to discover things, the motivation to find out more, to read, to acquire knowledge, the awe in nature and curiosity. I see this in all my children, and in every child. However this light.. this desire to learn slowly disappear as they attend primary school. Year after year, I see the kids getting bound down by longer hours of school, more homework, more tuition to learn the things they didn't learn in the long hours in school. They are exhausted and literally have no time!

Why is this so? What happened to our children over the years? It seems like there is nothing wrong.. and everyone is sending their children to school and the school should be doing the best for the kids. And teachers are professional who knows how to teach our kids. But no... not all teachers know how to teach or care about our kids. There is seriously something wrong in our educational system.

Why are we as adults, as parents, as school, as teachers, as a society putting out the fire to learn in our children?

I have been pondering on this for many years now, ever since I had kids, ever since my eldest started Primary 1. I had no answer, I made the best choice possible at that point of time. But now... I am beginning to see some light in my questions...

Our children need to be free to achieve their innate potentials. Not bound down by set curriculum, test, exams, homework. We need to set them free! Each child is so unique, we can't put them all in the classroom and teach the same thing and expect all to absorb everything.

We start asking the kids to shut up and listen, no talking in class, no talking and playing after class and at home. And  because learning is serious, there will be no playing because the kids need to complete their homework and study and revise for test the next day. Rush them to sleep and rush them to wake to be in school on time to study.

I can't sleep. I do not have time to edit this blog, I hope I made some sense and I hope we all start asking question and not accept the norm. For the norm may not be the best for our children.

Mending bridges with my son.

This year has been a tough year between one of my son and I. I have been feeling increasingly frustrated and angry at him and his behaviour. Not knowing why is he becoming increasingly 'difficult' or why am I being so impatient with him. I vaguely recall this happening with my eldest a few years back. When it felt like it was so hard to show love to him.

Just recently I finally see a light and came to a new realisation.

Just about a month and a half back, it was PSLE oral exam day and the other kids in school were given a day off with home based learning. I always took these rarely non schooling days to bring them out and do something fun. It was Friday and our Nature play co-op day, and so we all went. We had a wonderful day at the forest and I came back and shared with my husband how my boy took charge and took on a an active role in building a dam on the waterfall. He was so engaged, focused, purposeful and driven! So different from all of the comments we hear from his school teachers and so different from his behaviour at home when asked to revise his work or do homework.

My husband thought about it and said we should seriously do something about it. This is thw first time I hear him comment in such urgent and serious tone.

And so I reflected...

Putting myself in my son's shoes... this is his day: He wakes up crying in the morning at 6:30am, dragging his feet to get ready, whines and gets hurried and chased, threatened to be left behind if he does not hurry as it's late and his brother doesnt want to be late for school and his father for work. The light in the morning hurts his eyes and there is always a battle in the morning to turn the light off. He leaves the house in tears and runs after his dad and bro with a heavy bag of 5plus kg(we always joked to be a bag of rice)... in fear of being left behind. Not willing to say any morning prayer, and request all music to be turned off. He falls back to sleep in that short 15mins drive to school and wakes up sleepy and walks into school almost as if he has forgotten what happened half an hour earlier.

He then spends the next 6-7hours in school. He has only 30mins recess at about 9plus and a 10mins Take ten snack break at 12plus. The rest of the 5-6 hours are spent in class, mostly on the desk and asked to be quiet and pay attention.

He comes home happily, finally looking forward to relax in the comfort of his home, watch some YouTube or tv with his favourite home cooked lunch. Being 7 hours away from home, he wishes to share some stories of his day with me... but I unknowingly... brushes him off, telling him to have a quick lunch and start his homework... following that practice piano and go for tuition....

After tuition he comes back tired and is then hurried off to get his dinner and finish up his homework, learn his spelling, get ready for bed. Most days no more time for reading.. a quick prayer and sleep.... Most of the time, he doesn't fall asleep fast, comes out from his room an hr or so later to says he is hungry, I tell him strictly no, he has to go back to sleep as he will wake up crying if he doesnt get enough sleep. He can wake up and have his breakfast. He starts tearing and says he is hungry... and cries himself to sleep.

Little did I know that..  His whining and crying in the mornings are not because he did not get enough sleep or he does not sleep early but it's his body is rejecting something that he is not looking forward to. On the weekends, he would wake up by himself early, happily and cook himself and everyone the family breakfast regardless of what time he slept the night before.

If you ask him why he cries in the morning on school days, he says dont know. And if you ask him if he likes school, he says yes. It's scary to think that he doesnt really recall or remember what happened. It has reached inside and affected him. I then prompted him further... they dont even know if they really like school actually or maybe because they are accustomed to that being the accepted norm. Everyone goes to school. It should be good and fun. Yes there are occasional fun and engaging things at school but it comes as a reward of hard work. Play is often disassociated with learning. Exam time=No play. Almost like Play is a dirty word! And so I am guilty of saying sentences like "stop playing, go do your work".

Unseen stress and pressure to meet the expectations.

Now I am seeing all these symptoms as an effect of psychological stress that I, the school system, the teachers, the society has placed on a young 9 year old.

I feel so sorry for him and for what I have done towards him. I opened up to a new friend about my feelings and in our conversations, she made me come to realisation that my frustration with the system has turned into frustration with my own son.

Our relationship was not good. I did not feel happy with him or his actions. I felt I was just pushing him around and he was not being cooperative. He was also angry with me when I punish him. Everytime I see him doing nothing on the couch or reading Archie... I get really anxious and stop it and hurry them to do what they need to do that day... only when they all go to bed that I find myself happy and at peace. I got so angry that i confiscated all their Archie comics and hide it. For many years now I can't bring myself to read any Archie as it is something that slows my job down as a mom, it delays and distracts my kids from listening to me and I can't get my work done in time. I hated it.

After reflecting, I decided I needed to step back... give him some space, let him take initiative. Be really patient with him and think about his good qualities. He is a very sensitive boy, cares a lot for me and for others, loves his brothers and always think of them, it touches me to see him carry and make little games with baby. I use to ask him what he wants or should do when he comes back from school. I was expecting him to say what was in the checklist...shower, eat lunch quick... homework first...etc.. but he says.. : spend time with baby.

It stuck me... actually... why the rush?? Why am I pushing him? Isn't spending time with baby and wanting to spend time with baby more important than finishing homework fast?

He is not slow or lazy.. He is just not motivated to do what he has no choice in. Or interest in. He is so overloaded with knowledge that i think he is sick of studying. But learning shouldnt be done this way. It should be fun and engaging to the spirit. He is tired physically mentally and spiritually.

He can focus and concentrate when he is motivated and when he chooses to do so.

Today..., he chose to sit next to me. He didn't want to go to the theatre show and just spent time with me in the room. For the first time, we shared his favourite comic, he read the few pages of the Archie to me.

Raising 4 Boys!

Hi, I am Shirin. I have four kids. And all boys!

Normally people react to this with a jaw dropping reaction. 4 kids? And 4 boys??? OMG!! They somehow say that with some sympanthy.

Actually I am a happy mother of 4 boys! I  haven't given much of a serious thought of the 4 part or the boys part actually. We sort of just took it as it came and we dont know better. When I was blessed with the first. Ok.. a boy. Then 2 years later.. he got a brother- ok, a buddy to play with. Then 5 years later another brother.oh well it's ok.. as long as he is healthy.... and another 5 years later another one.. yes still ok as long as he is healthy! God has plans for me.

And actually I don't know what goes on in people's mind when they come to know that I have 4 kids.. all boys? For the 4 kids part.. I understand... not many have 4 kids as it's a lot of work, time and lot more money involve. But along with it comes lots of love and adventure too. I always wonder why 4 boys makes it 'worst'?

I don't feel the difference between having a girl or a boy.. but maybe because I don't know better. I grew up in a family with 3 brothers, and I have 4 of my own boys.. so basically I am surrounded by boys. There are physically differences and general age developmental difference. But some difference are not because of their gender difference but they are just unique individuals. All four of my boys are different.

I think maybe when people think of boys they think... wild, rowdy, hyper active, noisy, rough, clumsy, messy, dirty, and prone to injury- because they are active and not very coordinated... I don't know. Just maybe. But i never grew up with this perception as my brothers are... well very different individuals with different character and likings.
Some perception of boys: "Boys speak and read slower" One of my brother and my eldest son both spoke early and read at an early age.

"Boys are rough and rowdy." I am not boasting but surprisingly my boys aren't. Lookiny back, maybe it's not by chance they are not.. but the way we parent them. I never treated them any different if they were a boy or girl. I do not like gender related believes and socially accepted norms  'pink is for girls, blue is for boys'. One of boys love pink colour until he went to preschool and he learnt that boys should not love pink. I brought them up the way I know best. I see them as unique noble beings with unique talents and character,  each endowed with latent virtues.

We pray daily for ourselves and for others, cultivating virtues of reverence, gratitude, respect, selflessness. Reading daily- calm quiet activity cultivating peace, striving to acquire knowledge, love for reading and learning. Creating an environment where they are able to help themselves so they become indepedent. I show them how everything is done and let them do it. It may take longer at first and additional work when they spill things and break things...etc, but years later it pays off. This is montessori way of doing it. Allowing them to feed themselves, wear their own clothes, shoes, they develop dexterity. Clean up after themselves, they learn responsibility. Making a simple snack or meal they learn how to take care of themselves. They become very purposeful, confident and individuals with good sense of self esteem. Treating them with dignity, asking them for their opinion and permission for things and not making the decision in their absence.

I teach them and expose them to everything they need to know not limiting to those girl related things.  I showed them and taught them how to be gentle and treat them with respect. ( ok.. I am human too.. there are days I will lose my patience and become momster!) But generally I strive to be calm. They cook, clean, wash dishes, hang clothes, sew, paint, do origami and now latest.. they carry and calm baby and put them to sleep. I am so touched when that happens.

Yes they can be noisy and playful, they argue and fight but never with fist. They climb jump run... but not all boys are active. One of my boys love his time reading and sitting quietly in a corner. He prefers books and rubics cube to jumping about.

They are gentle, can be quiet, can concentrate on things that interest them. They are respectful, peaceful, purposeful independent individuals.

So I guess its a perception we need to change about boys. If we believe boys are rowdy... They become rowdy.. because we treat them like they are.  Believe they are gentle.. and they are.

It will take a long time for this perception to change. Hopefully my boys will be the first to change the way boys are perceived.

Nature Play Co-op Homschool Singapore- Sharing at the Play-ful Conference.

I was honoured to speak at the Play-ful Conference on behalf of our Nature-Play Co-op about what we do at the weekly Friday nature meet-ups. I felt great to be able to contribute to the community and to have someone recognize our efforts is truly rewarding. Here is sharing my speech/notes.

A sharing by Nature Play Co-op Singapore Homeschool by Shirin Tan 13^th October 2018

Introduction

Thank you for the introduction. Firstly, I am honoured to be asked to take a seat here at this conference. When I started homeschooling my son last year, I was looking for a way to meet other homeschooling families. My initial goal was just to get out of the house and meet people. Both me and my son love the parks so I asked on the facebook homeschool group if anyone would like to meet in a park & I found few others and one of them was Sonica- my partner in our current nature co-op group now.

We started this nature play last July. We had about 2 to 3 families meeting every Friday mornings for about 3 hours. Basically there’s no agenda or program planned, just explore parks and observe life in nature and allow play to happen spontaneously. Beginning of this year, we received more interest from parents by word of mouth and to date we have about 130 members on our facebook group and about 8-10 families come every week for the nature play.

My initial goal was achieved, but along with it came so many other wonderful outcomes.

Both Sonica and me felt it was important for the kids to connect with nature, somehow being immersed in nature makes you feel grounded… literally. I needed it not only because we live on the 12^th floor.  I feel there’s certain humility when we are out there in the wild with the big tall trees, the changing weathers, and just things that are not of our control. To be able to let go and be at one with nature is very liberating.

Let Go: So the first lesson for me as a parent and also for all the parents who joined our nature play is to let go. To allow the kids to get dirty in the mud, to get wet in the rivers, to play in the rain, to dig into the clay and sand. It was a challenge for me because as a mom I am suppose to keep them clean and don’t let them fall sick. But once I started letting go, I saw my son started to step up and become more confident. I am letting go but he knows I am still there when he needs me. This reassure him and allow him to grow and move forward.

Observe and be patient: 2^nd lesson is observe and be patient. To learn to take a step back and allow the kids to come up with their own solutions, to allow them to argue and work it through, to not be so quick to jump in and make decisions for them. They can actually find ways to make it work when we give them more time.

Child-Led: We followed the pace of the child kept it as free as possible, giving enough time to explore things that interest them. As long as the kids don’t hurt themselves or anyone else.

Acceptance: Often we have parents who ask what if their child is not ready to get dirty or he doesn’t want to play with the rest? We have a great respect for each child’s readiness, we acknowledge and accept their fears or dislikes and gently encourage them when they are ready to join. And parents sometimes have to take the lead and be calm and connect with nature, let go of any expectations. When the parents don’t insist on them, they take their time and many eventually start to warm up and let go of their inhibitions and start to join in.

To lead by example: As much as possible, the adult lead by being in awe of nature, respectful and reverend. This spirit is contagious.

Friendship & Socialization: A big part of this group is the bonding, friendship that are formed. One of the mom feedback saying when she joined the group, she feels that everyone is watching each other’s back. Both kids and adult. One of the question for a homeschooling parents is how do they kids socialize? Here we have a wonderful environment for that. Given the freedom to play & get messy and assurance of parents being there for them, the kids went ahead to explore and get familiar with the parks / the forest. We have a wide age group of kids who come. More often than not when met with an obstacle for example a rock to climb, the older one naturally are sensitive to the the capabilities of the younger ones. They will lend a hand to the little one, but they seem to respect the abilities of the younger and know when to help and when not too.  The little ones on the other hand have the older ones to look up to. There’s a certain respect and trust in this relationship. Making it uniquely strong.

Nature is dynamic and it’s always changing. There’s no 2 days that are the same, and no 2 kids are the same. That’s what makes it great! We don’t know what we will see, what animal, what plant, what we will learn, what we will discover and create.

Examples of Play: What kind of play you may ask… they are many but I will just mention one that is more recent. We found some clay along the river and some of them started to play with the clay and made dams at the waterfall. This simple play turned out to be something complex! At the social level, there was communication, there were delegation of task of mining for the resource and building. There was also a great lesson of science where they learnt that if the water behind the dam started to gather potential energy and when the energy built up the dam got pushed over. They then made holes in the dam to release the pressure. Engineering and science at work. They had to discuss and work out the solutions. I saw engaged and motivated kids, working together with the same goal. No competition, no reward to motivate them to learn. The learning that occurs is very authentic. Not forced upon. Result motivated, learners. And imagine the satisfaction in the children, the sense of achievement.  I overheard my son said: “I want to stay here forever!”

Here is a space to be free. Free to be yourself, free from judgement, free from expectations. We discover new things, we learn, we get to know the place, get to know each other, get to know ourselves.

These weekly meet up is personally the highlight of our week. Not only because Tyler is becoming more independent, more sociable, resilient and learning to persevere to the end, but for me I am re-learning how to learn, how to teach, how to guide, how to observe, how to wonder, how to stand back and allow learning to occur. In all, we are learning about life, about human relationship, about nature. Getting our feet soaked in mud, walking in the sandy river, climbing the rough rocks in the hot sun, walking in the rain and getting drench from head to toe... these seemingly discomfort is the secret to finding happiness. In muddy feet I felt humility, in wet sandy river and waterfall I found peace, in climbing rocks in heat, I persevered. This is what I found... But to the children.... I believe they found more. It's not what they have learnt or remembered. It becomes part of who they are and what they can achieve.

Parenting my growing child, letting go and finding myself.

For a long time... I am afraid of letting go, epecially when Tyler, my number 3 was born. Every milestone he achieved I felt a mox feelings of happiness and of sadness, sad of losing that precious moment, my last time experiencing or witnessing that moment.

I love parenting a baby. Maybe because that is something I am confident in and have success in. I absolutely love the early years of nursing, quietly observing their every expression and movement, discovering that they have acquired new skills and milestones. Now that they are all growing up and Tyler has turned 4. I realised there's  no more baby in the house. There's a void in my heart, a kind of a loss. I am no longer breastfeeding, changing diapers, wearing a baby in a sling. I now need to learn how to be a parent to my growing children of 11, soon to be a teenager, 8 discovering new talents and thoughts, 4 wanting to grow up too soon as he plays with his elder brothers and their friends. I wish I can freeze time and enjoy their baby and toddler days, but no. Time does not stop. They will continue to grow and it's time I let go.

Being a stay at home mom, I feel that I need to do more for them. Coach them and guide them in their school, Every subject... and prepare them for life. Plan for their every areas of development, interest, explore and experience different things and learn different skills. I try to equip them with skills and values to help them succeed in life and to function well and contribute positively to society. But I come to realise that the early years for the older ones have passed.. and most of the hands on parenting days are over. I need to trust that I have done my best and start letting go and letting them make their own decisions, make their own mistakes and learn from there.  So many years of just managing and parenting that I don't seem to find the time to connect, really connect and have conversation with the kids. I need to re-learn how to listen and talk to them. I realised I have just been pushing or rather I feel that I am dragging them along from one task to another, forcing them to complete their work... do revision, clean up after themselves...etc.
Everything revolves around getting the checklist done. Even prayer feels like just completing a task on the checklist rather than really spending time and connecting with the spirit and talking to God.

For this I feel like I have failed... I want to slow down but there's so much to be done and I am always feeling behind in everything. Chasing after the expectations... of society? Of my own?

Is it because I have 3 very different kids and all needing my attention? Is it due to my terrible time management? Is it because I feel unfulfilled and therefore I place such high expectations on my kids as a measure of my success?

I am not sure... I am still reflecting and trying to work it out.

Motherhood has taken a toll on me. As I give up my career and postpone striving to achieve my dreams to care and nurture the kids, I have somehow lost my identity as a person. I have become known as a mother of 3 and... a teacher. But now... I am not sure who am I anymore.

Parenting is a time for self reflect and I think I can only be a better parent if I can find fulfillment and my own path in life. When my cup is empty, I can't fill their cup with love and reassurance.  That's where I constantly feel strained, frustrated, impatient and unable to connect heart to heart with my boys.

I love listening to how others hear the witty things my kids say. Sadly I realised I don't hear them anymore... not in the recent years. Maybe I shut them up and rush from task to task. Maybe they don't open up to me anymore or maybe I am not present mind body and soul when I am with them. It's ironic. I am a full time mom but I don't spend enough time with them. I realised quality and quantity time does not equate.

To say no and cut down on my wants and focus on within and build my self again.... that's what I need to do. Put an oxygen mask for myself before putting it for my kids. Pray that God send me confirmations of what I should be doing  with my life and how to be a better mom to my kids and a better wife to my husband.

Seeing the best in our education system, seeing the best in our child.

Just returned from a parent teacher briefing, some reflections today... The teachers are very dedicated. In the briefing, they are educating the parents on the curriculum and what to take note. The parents are asked to attend workshops so we can also learn and coach them at home. I noticed the part where everyone took out their phones to take picture was when the teachers talked about Exams, the allocation of marks..etc. the deeply rooted exam culture is still present in our society. It's a quantitative way of measuring if your child is Smart or not, where does he stand amongst others and how are his chances of surviving this rat race. Unfortunately not all will 'win' in this race... as we only measure them by paper and testing. But if each child is recognised as individual with different talents and innate qualities, every child will achieve great heights! Not in the same way but it's ok and encouraged.
I am constantly in guilt of pushing my kids to meet standards set by the schools and society. Many of my views and opinions springs from my search for true education for the future so we are able to allow these gifts and innate talents to manifest itself, to achieve greater heights, to bring peace, unity, justice and progress to the world, to do what humanity is meant to do.

Having said that, I am reminded that there's a reality now that we need to work with and to deal with, to accept and look on the positive side of things. I realised the most important thing in learning is 'joy', the teacher that inspire the child and the parents- ME who will make the biggest difference in their learning journey. So.... I am coming to a new realisation that I cannot fight this education system, but to accept and work with it, and help my boys to walk this journey joyfully, as joyful as possible. (not easy... but will try... As Abdul Baha, the son of the prophet of Bahai Faith says: "Kam Kam, Ruz Bih Ruz" which means:little by little, day by day...). To do our best in schools together, but more importantly to see their strength and help them achieve their potentials.

Exams... the new killer.

Exams... Examinations... Assessments...Test...

What's the purpose of it all?

It is formed on the basis that children need to be motivated to learn, that learning must be imposed, learning is not natural, that humans are born with brain with nothing and we need to fill it up with knowledge. And therefore exams are there to "make sure" kids learn.

My boys, 8 and 10 years are having exams this week. They are stressed... their mother, me is more stressed. I am in a huge dilemma of whether I should just step back and let them learn whatever they can and want in school and sit for the exams with that and accept whatever results that get OR like almost every other parents, be worried and 'kiasu' (scared to lose) and get heaps of assessment books and past year exam papers from the 'prestige' schools to drill my boys to score better in exams.  I am falling into the second category... which I hate what I am becoming! Every cell in my body is rejecting it.. and I am becoming increasingly frustrated and forcing my boys to learn as if they are empty vessels and bribing them with rewards to motivate them to learn. What can I do???

Schools or training centers were created to train human resources for the factories, for production, for the economic growth of the country. Therefore it's a set curriculum where everyone has to go through, and a set goal and examinations are conducted to make sure the outcome achieved is of a measurable standard. However that's not the case for every circumstances and that is not what education should be like. We have blindly followed the same model and make examination compulsory even for even little 6 year olds. My view of what examination is as follows:

- Examination limits imagination and creativity

- Examination limits the knowledge that is to be learnt and explored as they only learn those that are in the syllabus of the exam.

- Children are made to learn things that are not relevant nor of interest to them. 

- Children have no time to explore and learn things that are of interest to them... however little that is left.

- Examination kills the joy of learning

- Examination encourages competition 

- Examination discourages sharing of knowledge 

- Examination marks and grades damages self esteem and causes depression
- And sometimes Exams causes children to take their own lives... such a tragedy...

- Examination causes stress and pressure to perform

- Children are pressured to meet expectations of parents, teachers, school, society, government.
- It is a hindrance to the progress of civilization, retard the progress of humankind.(please read on...)

Children are taught as if they are empty vessels to be filled, and teachers are merely filling a bucket and not lighting a flame. Baha'i's believe that all man are created noble. "Regard man as a mine rich in gems of inestimable value. Education can, alone, cause it to reveal its treasures, and enable mankind to benefit therefrom."

Every human being is unique and each have their latent talents and virtues waiting manifest itself. However if we were to standardize learning and judge the intelligence of a child by some examinations, test, grades or marks, then we are judging the fish by it's ability to climb the tree.

Love this video and the courage to stand up to centuries of 'schooling'.
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqTTojTija8





I believe that learning is a natural phenomenon. Babies absorb knowledge, language, mobility without anyone teaching him/her. We have to just step back and allow this natural development to happen. We often do things for children because they are 'clumsy' or 'slow' but if we show them how to do it and provide the means for them to practice and do it. They can achieve so much more.

I strive to practice this at home since my kids were born, by guiding and showing them how things are done, I then allow them to do it by themselves. Result is motivated, independent, active learners. Never do something for a child that he can do it for himself, if not we are impeding the development of the child. Montessori schools strive to do the same. And therefore I studied Montesssori and send my boys to Montessori pre school. However we don't have Montessori Primary/Secondary schools here, sadly so I have no choice but to enrol them into traditional schools. And that is when the light in their eyes dimmed.... and learning become dry and imposed and forced upon them. No freedom of choice of what they want to learn or their interest and talent lies. Everyone does pretty much the same thing.

If Albert Einstein, Thomas Edision... and all the famous inventors of the past were to be confined in a classroom doing what every other kid is doing, and sitting for standardised test, we would not have electric light bulbs, electricity... and every other great invention there is.
Baha'ullah, the prophet of the Baha'i faith continue to say:  " All men have been created to carry forward an ever-advancing civilization."

If we were to advance forward, we cannot only teach the children the knowledge of what is already known. We have to allow plenty of time, room and space for the children of today to explore, to become active learners, independent thinkers, have time for them to dream, imagine and then discover, create and experiment and build a better world then what we have today.

I am guilty at charged of limited time for play and exploration to STUDY and score for the examinations the past few weeks. It has been a very stressful time for both the kids and me. What is the purpose really? I see no joy in learning the things they are being forced to learn regardless whether they want to. But there's a few incidents where I gave them some break time, and they found some recycle papers and started making paper planes. And all 3 of them were so engrossed in it that they took such a long break that I was beginning to get irritated and I find myself wanting to tell them to stop 'playing' and get back to 'work'. But, I took a step back and I observed.  They are so happy and they are working together and discussing ways to make the plane fly higher, faster. They were exploring and experimenting what happens if they fold the front and make it thicker, what if one wing was bigger than the other, what happens when they use another type of paper, if they fold it a different way. I came to a big realisation that this 'play' is the real 'work'! First they chose it, they were joyful, what started off as a simple origami craft at break time became a test for a hypothesis, they were experimenting and learning about physis and science and in the process, they were focus, their attention were high, they were engaged, they were thinking, they were motivated to find tapes, staplers, other materials to make their plane better, they were repeating and practicing until they achieve excellence or almost there. Can you imagine the satisfaction, the sense of achievement, the amount of self esteem each of them have?

Can you imagine if for every single thing that each child learn, they get this feeling of achievement? of self fulfillment? Can you imagine what all this children will create? And when such motivated positive children grow up to be self fulfilled, motivated, young adults... together what they can achieve? The future is limitless!

I don't know what I can do now to help my children achieve this, but I will strive to provide more break time and allow for this latent potential to manifest itself. I hope in time we will abolish examinations and find a way to harness this great and precious resource we have to advance civilization.

A life well lived.

Today we attended a Baha'i funeral of a dear family friend, a wonderful soul whom we dearly call her Aunty Peng. I was asked to give a speech... as I was preparing the speech, I thought about my life and realised that Aunty Peng was a big part of it when I was growing up. For without her guidance, I might still be that timid and shy girl. When we encounter death, we would learn a lot about life. For only when we understand death, we will not fear it. This is when we will truly live a life of purpose. For this life is like a dream..  and our true life is the life of the spirit.

Here's my speech I prepared on the way to KL and together with another childhood friend Kumar, we shared who Aunty Peng was to us.

----------------------------------------
Dear friends and family,
Allah'u'abha. My name is Shirin Tan. I am here to share some beautiful memories of Aunty Peng, especially during the days when the Chew family lived in Johor Bahru ~around 1988 for almost 8 yrs.

Just a little background- I'm the only girl in my family so when the Chews moved to JB I was so happy to have some girl friends to play with. So me, Su yyn and Su fern quickly became best friends. Thats when dear Aunty Peng became a part of my life as I was growing up.

Aunty Peng has many wonderful attributes that will always be remembered in our hearts.

First, her Warmth and Kindness.
She is always very warm and welcomes everyone to her home. So much so that I am always there at their home and often have sleep overs there.  I even recall calling myself Chew Su Lin to feel part of the family!

Our families and the JB Bahai communities had many fond memories together.  Especially the fun we have at the weekly Bahai children class,  the picnics at Istana Garden, the southern regional Bahai summer schools, and all the Bahai activities. We also took many trips together camping in desaru, waterfall at kota tinggi where we had 10 people in a car, train rides to port dickson for winter school. And not forgetting our late night suppers for ais kacang at the satay celok stall or also known as lok lok( literally translate as dip dip as Uncle Chew will say).

Aunty Peng is our dear loving teacher in everyway. She was always encouraging.
She taught me many things. The first and most memorable lesson I learnt was to finish my food!

When I was a little girl, I would take hours to eat my food and do not look forward to meal times. And I would always end up throwing almost half of my food into the bin at the end of each meal. My mom went to aunty Peng and ask her to help teach me a lesson. So one night I was at their home for dinner, and aunty peng gave me a very small scoop of rice and she told me to finish it first and I can ask for more if I want to. Over time  I realise the wisdom behind that.

She let me realised that I can finish my meal and not waste any. Through this small action, she built my confidence and I began enjoying my meals and eat my food much faster now! This is a small example but it is through her firm yet loving encouragement that she teach every student of her.

Aunty Peng is selfless. She always think about others first especially the children. I remember she and Uncle Chew got a van just so she can ferry more children to Baha'i children classes every week. She would let us roll around literally in the back sit of the van playing sandwich which is pushing and squashing each other. And we would scream and make so much noise that if it were any other person, they would have thrown us out of the van!

Aunty Peng is patient. I will always remember her ways of handling crisis especially now that I am a parent. She would talk to us in a firm yet loving manner when we made a mistake. She never raised her voice or scolds us. She will take time to talk to us and find a fitting consequence for our wrong doings.

She is also a very patient driver, when asked why she said you never know if that you will need to teach the faith to the person one day. We are in deed ambassador of the faith.

Gifts... Aunty Peng always come bearing gifts! Since I was a child, whenever we see aunty peng, she is like Ms Santa claus always giving little gifts for us.

Unlike most people, she never buys us lavish toys or expensive gifts. The presents she gives instead are truly unique and precious and with lots of love ans thought. Often she will give us little  note books decorated with her beautiful handwriting with beautiful poems or quotations or beautiful books for us to get inspired. Some times she will give me a bag of little mystery items like once she gave me a brown paper bag with coasters, boxes, stickers and odds and ends. To the normal person, those stuff may look like nothing useful but we are asked to use our creativity  and imagination as there are endless ways we can do them. She truly sees the potential in everything, a beauty in everything.

I'm often told by my parents and Yyn and Fern to not become like Aunty Peng and clutter up the house with so many things. Fortunately or unfortunately I have picked up the same passion or talent. Seeing the educational value of every single thing and every single trip or opportunity. Of course I will try to do this with moderation. ;)

Lastly, I want to say that Aunty Peng has taught me and many others many valuable lessons for life. One of the lessons I learnt though she never said it but showed through her example was this- To always think about the children, involve the children, give the children a part to play at the feast, holy days, teaching events, every child is unique and noble. She truly sees the gems in us all and make us feel we can achieve anything if we want to.

Dear Aunty Peng, Thank you for your love and encouragement. We will all continue to share this love and lessons to others.
---------------------------------