Raising 4 Boys!

Hi, I am Shirin. I have four kids. And all boys!

Normally people react to this with a jaw dropping reaction. 4 kids? And 4 boys??? OMG!! They somehow say that with some sympanthy.

Actually I am a happy mother of 4 boys! I  haven't given much of a serious thought of the 4 part or the boys part actually. We sort of just took it as it came and we dont know better. When I was blessed with the first. Ok.. a boy. Then 2 years later.. he got a brother- ok, a buddy to play with. Then 5 years later another brother.oh well it's ok.. as long as he is healthy.... and another 5 years later another one.. yes still ok as long as he is healthy! God has plans for me.

And actually I don't know what goes on in people's mind when they come to know that I have 4 kids.. all boys? For the 4 kids part.. I understand... not many have 4 kids as it's a lot of work, time and lot more money involve. But along with it comes lots of love and adventure too. I always wonder why 4 boys makes it 'worst'?

I don't feel the difference between having a girl or a boy.. but maybe because I don't know better. I grew up in a family with 3 brothers, and I have 4 of my own boys.. so basically I am surrounded by boys. There are physically differences and general age developmental difference. But some difference are not because of their gender difference but they are just unique individuals. All four of my boys are different.

I think maybe when people think of boys they think... wild, rowdy, hyper active, noisy, rough, clumsy, messy, dirty, and prone to injury- because they are active and not very coordinated... I don't know. Just maybe. But i never grew up with this perception as my brothers are... well very different individuals with different character and likings.
Some perception of boys: "Boys speak and read slower" One of my brother and my eldest son both spoke early and read at an early age.

"Boys are rough and rowdy." I am not boasting but surprisingly my boys aren't. Lookiny back, maybe it's not by chance they are not.. but the way we parent them. I never treated them any different if they were a boy or girl. I do not like gender related believes and socially accepted norms  'pink is for girls, blue is for boys'. One of boys love pink colour until he went to preschool and he learnt that boys should not love pink. I brought them up the way I know best. I see them as unique noble beings with unique talents and character,  each endowed with latent virtues.

We pray daily for ourselves and for others, cultivating virtues of reverence, gratitude, respect, selflessness. Reading daily- calm quiet activity cultivating peace, striving to acquire knowledge, love for reading and learning. Creating an environment where they are able to help themselves so they become indepedent. I show them how everything is done and let them do it. It may take longer at first and additional work when they spill things and break things...etc, but years later it pays off. This is montessori way of doing it. Allowing them to feed themselves, wear their own clothes, shoes, they develop dexterity. Clean up after themselves, they learn responsibility. Making a simple snack or meal they learn how to take care of themselves. They become very purposeful, confident and individuals with good sense of self esteem. Treating them with dignity, asking them for their opinion and permission for things and not making the decision in their absence.

I teach them and expose them to everything they need to know not limiting to those girl related things.  I showed them and taught them how to be gentle and treat them with respect. ( ok.. I am human too.. there are days I will lose my patience and become momster!) But generally I strive to be calm. They cook, clean, wash dishes, hang clothes, sew, paint, do origami and now latest.. they carry and calm baby and put them to sleep. I am so touched when that happens.

Yes they can be noisy and playful, they argue and fight but never with fist. They climb jump run... but not all boys are active. One of my boys love his time reading and sitting quietly in a corner. He prefers books and rubics cube to jumping about.

They are gentle, can be quiet, can concentrate on things that interest them. They are respectful, peaceful, purposeful independent individuals.

So I guess its a perception we need to change about boys. If we believe boys are rowdy... They become rowdy.. because we treat them like they are.  Believe they are gentle.. and they are.

It will take a long time for this perception to change. Hopefully my boys will be the first to change the way boys are perceived.