Raising 4 Boys!

Hi, I am Shirin. I have four kids. And all boys!

Normally people react to this with a jaw dropping reaction. 4 kids? And 4 boys??? OMG!! They somehow say that with some sympanthy.

Actually I am a happy mother of 4 boys! I  haven't given much of a serious thought of the 4 part or the boys part actually. We sort of just took it as it came and we dont know better. When I was blessed with the first. Ok.. a boy. Then 2 years later.. he got a brother- ok, a buddy to play with. Then 5 years later another brother.oh well it's ok.. as long as he is healthy.... and another 5 years later another one.. yes still ok as long as he is healthy! God has plans for me.

And actually I don't know what goes on in people's mind when they come to know that I have 4 kids.. all boys? For the 4 kids part.. I understand... not many have 4 kids as it's a lot of work, time and lot more money involve. But along with it comes lots of love and adventure too. I always wonder why 4 boys makes it 'worst'?

I don't feel the difference between having a girl or a boy.. but maybe because I don't know better. I grew up in a family with 3 brothers, and I have 4 of my own boys.. so basically I am surrounded by boys. There are physically differences and general age developmental difference. But some difference are not because of their gender difference but they are just unique individuals. All four of my boys are different.

I think maybe when people think of boys they think... wild, rowdy, hyper active, noisy, rough, clumsy, messy, dirty, and prone to injury- because they are active and not very coordinated... I don't know. Just maybe. But i never grew up with this perception as my brothers are... well very different individuals with different character and likings.
Some perception of boys: "Boys speak and read slower" One of my brother and my eldest son both spoke early and read at an early age.

"Boys are rough and rowdy." I am not boasting but surprisingly my boys aren't. Lookiny back, maybe it's not by chance they are not.. but the way we parent them. I never treated them any different if they were a boy or girl. I do not like gender related believes and socially accepted norms  'pink is for girls, blue is for boys'. One of boys love pink colour until he went to preschool and he learnt that boys should not love pink. I brought them up the way I know best. I see them as unique noble beings with unique talents and character,  each endowed with latent virtues.

We pray daily for ourselves and for others, cultivating virtues of reverence, gratitude, respect, selflessness. Reading daily- calm quiet activity cultivating peace, striving to acquire knowledge, love for reading and learning. Creating an environment where they are able to help themselves so they become indepedent. I show them how everything is done and let them do it. It may take longer at first and additional work when they spill things and break things...etc, but years later it pays off. This is montessori way of doing it. Allowing them to feed themselves, wear their own clothes, shoes, they develop dexterity. Clean up after themselves, they learn responsibility. Making a simple snack or meal they learn how to take care of themselves. They become very purposeful, confident and individuals with good sense of self esteem. Treating them with dignity, asking them for their opinion and permission for things and not making the decision in their absence.

I teach them and expose them to everything they need to know not limiting to those girl related things.  I showed them and taught them how to be gentle and treat them with respect. ( ok.. I am human too.. there are days I will lose my patience and become momster!) But generally I strive to be calm. They cook, clean, wash dishes, hang clothes, sew, paint, do origami and now latest.. they carry and calm baby and put them to sleep. I am so touched when that happens.

Yes they can be noisy and playful, they argue and fight but never with fist. They climb jump run... but not all boys are active. One of my boys love his time reading and sitting quietly in a corner. He prefers books and rubics cube to jumping about.

They are gentle, can be quiet, can concentrate on things that interest them. They are respectful, peaceful, purposeful independent individuals.

So I guess its a perception we need to change about boys. If we believe boys are rowdy... They become rowdy.. because we treat them like they are.  Believe they are gentle.. and they are.

It will take a long time for this perception to change. Hopefully my boys will be the first to change the way boys are perceived.

Nature Play Co-op Homschool Singapore- Sharing at the Play-ful Conference.

I was honoured to speak at the Play-ful Conference on behalf of our Nature-Play Co-op about what we do at the weekly Friday nature meet-ups. I felt great to be able to contribute to the community and to have someone recognize our efforts is truly rewarding. Here is sharing my speech/notes.

A sharing by Nature Play Co-op Singapore Homeschool by Shirin Tan 13^th October 2018

Introduction

Thank you for the introduction. Firstly, I am honoured to be asked to take a seat here at this conference. When I started homeschooling my son last year, I was looking for a way to meet other homeschooling families. My initial goal was just to get out of the house and meet people. Both me and my son love the parks so I asked on the facebook homeschool group if anyone would like to meet in a park & I found few others and one of them was Sonica- my partner in our current nature co-op group now.

We started this nature play last July. We had about 2 to 3 families meeting every Friday mornings for about 3 hours. Basically there’s no agenda or program planned, just explore parks and observe life in nature and allow play to happen spontaneously. Beginning of this year, we received more interest from parents by word of mouth and to date we have about 130 members on our facebook group and about 8-10 families come every week for the nature play.

My initial goal was achieved, but along with it came so many other wonderful outcomes.

Both Sonica and me felt it was important for the kids to connect with nature, somehow being immersed in nature makes you feel grounded… literally. I needed it not only because we live on the 12^th floor.  I feel there’s certain humility when we are out there in the wild with the big tall trees, the changing weathers, and just things that are not of our control. To be able to let go and be at one with nature is very liberating.

Let Go: So the first lesson for me as a parent and also for all the parents who joined our nature play is to let go. To allow the kids to get dirty in the mud, to get wet in the rivers, to play in the rain, to dig into the clay and sand. It was a challenge for me because as a mom I am suppose to keep them clean and don’t let them fall sick. But once I started letting go, I saw my son started to step up and become more confident. I am letting go but he knows I am still there when he needs me. This reassure him and allow him to grow and move forward.

Observe and be patient: 2^nd lesson is observe and be patient. To learn to take a step back and allow the kids to come up with their own solutions, to allow them to argue and work it through, to not be so quick to jump in and make decisions for them. They can actually find ways to make it work when we give them more time.

Child-Led: We followed the pace of the child kept it as free as possible, giving enough time to explore things that interest them. As long as the kids don’t hurt themselves or anyone else.

Acceptance: Often we have parents who ask what if their child is not ready to get dirty or he doesn’t want to play with the rest? We have a great respect for each child’s readiness, we acknowledge and accept their fears or dislikes and gently encourage them when they are ready to join. And parents sometimes have to take the lead and be calm and connect with nature, let go of any expectations. When the parents don’t insist on them, they take their time and many eventually start to warm up and let go of their inhibitions and start to join in.

To lead by example: As much as possible, the adult lead by being in awe of nature, respectful and reverend. This spirit is contagious.

Friendship & Socialization: A big part of this group is the bonding, friendship that are formed. One of the mom feedback saying when she joined the group, she feels that everyone is watching each other’s back. Both kids and adult. One of the question for a homeschooling parents is how do they kids socialize? Here we have a wonderful environment for that. Given the freedom to play & get messy and assurance of parents being there for them, the kids went ahead to explore and get familiar with the parks / the forest. We have a wide age group of kids who come. More often than not when met with an obstacle for example a rock to climb, the older one naturally are sensitive to the the capabilities of the younger ones. They will lend a hand to the little one, but they seem to respect the abilities of the younger and know when to help and when not too.  The little ones on the other hand have the older ones to look up to. There’s a certain respect and trust in this relationship. Making it uniquely strong.

Nature is dynamic and it’s always changing. There’s no 2 days that are the same, and no 2 kids are the same. That’s what makes it great! We don’t know what we will see, what animal, what plant, what we will learn, what we will discover and create.

Examples of Play: What kind of play you may ask… they are many but I will just mention one that is more recent. We found some clay along the river and some of them started to play with the clay and made dams at the waterfall. This simple play turned out to be something complex! At the social level, there was communication, there were delegation of task of mining for the resource and building. There was also a great lesson of science where they learnt that if the water behind the dam started to gather potential energy and when the energy built up the dam got pushed over. They then made holes in the dam to release the pressure. Engineering and science at work. They had to discuss and work out the solutions. I saw engaged and motivated kids, working together with the same goal. No competition, no reward to motivate them to learn. The learning that occurs is very authentic. Not forced upon. Result motivated, learners. And imagine the satisfaction in the children, the sense of achievement.  I overheard my son said: “I want to stay here forever!”

Here is a space to be free. Free to be yourself, free from judgement, free from expectations. We discover new things, we learn, we get to know the place, get to know each other, get to know ourselves.

These weekly meet up is personally the highlight of our week. Not only because Tyler is becoming more independent, more sociable, resilient and learning to persevere to the end, but for me I am re-learning how to learn, how to teach, how to guide, how to observe, how to wonder, how to stand back and allow learning to occur. In all, we are learning about life, about human relationship, about nature. Getting our feet soaked in mud, walking in the sandy river, climbing the rough rocks in the hot sun, walking in the rain and getting drench from head to toe... these seemingly discomfort is the secret to finding happiness. In muddy feet I felt humility, in wet sandy river and waterfall I found peace, in climbing rocks in heat, I persevered. This is what I found... But to the children.... I believe they found more. It's not what they have learnt or remembered. It becomes part of who they are and what they can achieve.

Journey in cloth diaper-ing. Part 1

I used the traditional nappies - lampin, for my previous 3 babies, but never really went into cloth diapering proper. I bought 3 pocket diapers before and just use them once in a while. My nanny had a great idea of emptying the contents of disposable tape diapers and use the shell as covers for nappies. Brilliant DIY cloth diapering! I wish I have a photo to show, but I don't do it now.  That was cheap and works for a few washes before the disposable shell disintegrate. The nappies on the other hand was good for one wetting and needs to be change very often. So it's quite a bit of work.

So.. now for baby number 4 I decided to give it a plunge again. Got some really cute preloved US -PeachyGreen newborn shells from a dear homeschool mommy but I couldn't find inserts of that size, and newborn days were so busy and hectic that I didn't cloth diaper much. When Travis turned 2 months and pooed less often, I thought it was good to start some cloth diapering. Disposable were also getting pricey and really harmful for the environment too.

 I asked my friend who passed me the Cloth Diaper (CD for short) covers where can I get the soakers and she introduce me to join a Cloth Diaper Facebook group. hmmm there's such a group? Cloth diapering has changed so much since I had my babies, so much to learn. One of the cloth diapering moms kindly opened her home to show us her stash of cloth diapers and answer our questions. So I went. I was introduced to the Cloth Diaper language- AIO, AI2, Shells, Inserts, Soakers, Striping and Santising? Wash Routine? so many new terms... and the fabrics used are so different now, Bamboo, Hemp, Minky, Microfibre... super absorbent and I also realised super expensive.

So... my plan was to get some preloved covers and cheap new soakers/inserts to start off as the thought of using preloved soakers felt a bit gross and unhygienic. But I did change my mind about that (read on). At the cloth diaper meet up, one of the moms were selling her preloved Grovia shells, what I heard was $15 for 3, wow, seem like a good price. But I heard it wrongly, it was $15 for one. Still they look pretty new and in good condition so I  decided to get 2 just to try it out.

That's how I got my first 2 preloved Grovia Shells.
Grovia - A US brand, selling locally at about $28+ for one Hybrid Shell and $28+ for 2 soakers.

I never like velcro as I fell it's too sharp for babies, just in case it scratches against his skin. But this Grovia ones are Hook and Lock system, slightly different from a velcro, not as sharp, and it locks onto the felt at the top of the CD, you can adjust it to the right fit.

At the meet up I was also introduced to Baby Beehinds soakers (an Australian brand), which fits my newborn shells nicely.

In search for preloved stuff, I found some on Carousell, $64 for 4 fairly new Grovia shells (free 4 more well loved + 14 Grovia Soakers!) Wow.. good deal. I have no issues with preloved shells, but soakers... I posted on the fb group to ask about this and they show me a strip and sanitise procedure to disinfect and get rid of any build up in the soakers.

But the process on the chart is so complicated and we cant find many of the products ( Borax..etc) here in Singapore, so this is what I did. I soaked the soakers in diluted bleach. ( Well suppose to be half hour max, but I read wrongly and soaked them for 4 hours!) I then rinse out the bleach and wash them in the washing machine with TIDE washing detergent, the best detergent for Cloth Diapers. And then I soaked them in hot water for half hour, spin dry the soaker in the washing machine and dry them in the sun.

If you are new to cloth diapers, check out this site: http://www.fluffloveuniversity.com/ Yes need to go back to University to learn all this stuff. Amazing, I now know a lot more about detergent, how washing detergent works, how fabric traps dirt brighteners. Whole science behind washing, cloth diapering..etc.. wow.

Here is more info on the Striping routine.
http://www.fluffloveuniversity.com/troubleshooting/solving-stinky-diaper-problems/how-to-strip-your-cloth-diapers/

Last Saturday while shopping in the local wet market, I came across a stall selling towels and handkerchief. I looked around and found cloth that looks like nappies, but the size were too small. I then saw a 100% cotton face towel. it looks comfortable, absorbent and its 3 for $10. So I bought 3 to experiment. Fold into half then thirds you get a prefold soaker- or was it flats, oh well you get what I mean.

Soo.....

If I have gotten brand new
Grovia Hybrid Shells 10 -  $28 x 10 = $280
Grovia Soakers 14 - $28 x 7= $196
Total = $476

I got the above for a total of $30+$64 = $94 ( Saving of $382)
Baby Beehind Soakers x 2 = $18
TIDE 1.2L detergent from Redmart $9.90
Face Towel to be used as soakers 3 for $10
Nappy Liner 2 box of 100 for about $10

Total Damage = $141.90

Will update more on how it goes. :)

Parenting my growing child, letting go and finding myself.

For a long time... I am afraid of letting go, epecially when Tyler, my number 3 was born. Every milestone he achieved I felt a mox feelings of happiness and of sadness, sad of losing that precious moment, my last time experiencing or witnessing that moment.

I love parenting a baby. Maybe because that is something I am confident in and have success in. I absolutely love the early years of nursing, quietly observing their every expression and movement, discovering that they have acquired new skills and milestones. Now that they are all growing up and Tyler has turned 4. I realised there's  no more baby in the house. There's a void in my heart, a kind of a loss. I am no longer breastfeeding, changing diapers, wearing a baby in a sling. I now need to learn how to be a parent to my growing children of 11, soon to be a teenager, 8 discovering new talents and thoughts, 4 wanting to grow up too soon as he plays with his elder brothers and their friends. I wish I can freeze time and enjoy their baby and toddler days, but no. Time does not stop. They will continue to grow and it's time I let go.

Being a stay at home mom, I feel that I need to do more for them. Coach them and guide them in their school, Every subject... and prepare them for life. Plan for their every areas of development, interest, explore and experience different things and learn different skills. I try to equip them with skills and values to help them succeed in life and to function well and contribute positively to society. But I come to realise that the early years for the older ones have passed.. and most of the hands on parenting days are over. I need to trust that I have done my best and start letting go and letting them make their own decisions, make their own mistakes and learn from there.  So many years of just managing and parenting that I don't seem to find the time to connect, really connect and have conversation with the kids. I need to re-learn how to listen and talk to them. I realised I have just been pushing or rather I feel that I am dragging them along from one task to another, forcing them to complete their work... do revision, clean up after themselves...etc.
Everything revolves around getting the checklist done. Even prayer feels like just completing a task on the checklist rather than really spending time and connecting with the spirit and talking to God.

For this I feel like I have failed... I want to slow down but there's so much to be done and I am always feeling behind in everything. Chasing after the expectations... of society? Of my own?

Is it because I have 3 very different kids and all needing my attention? Is it due to my terrible time management? Is it because I feel unfulfilled and therefore I place such high expectations on my kids as a measure of my success?

I am not sure... I am still reflecting and trying to work it out.

Motherhood has taken a toll on me. As I give up my career and postpone striving to achieve my dreams to care and nurture the kids, I have somehow lost my identity as a person. I have become known as a mother of 3 and... a teacher. But now... I am not sure who am I anymore.

Parenting is a time for self reflect and I think I can only be a better parent if I can find fulfillment and my own path in life. When my cup is empty, I can't fill their cup with love and reassurance.  That's where I constantly feel strained, frustrated, impatient and unable to connect heart to heart with my boys.

I love listening to how others hear the witty things my kids say. Sadly I realised I don't hear them anymore... not in the recent years. Maybe I shut them up and rush from task to task. Maybe they don't open up to me anymore or maybe I am not present mind body and soul when I am with them. It's ironic. I am a full time mom but I don't spend enough time with them. I realised quality and quantity time does not equate.

To say no and cut down on my wants and focus on within and build my self again.... that's what I need to do. Put an oxygen mask for myself before putting it for my kids. Pray that God send me confirmations of what I should be doing  with my life and how to be a better mom to my kids and a better wife to my husband.

Seeing the best in our education system, seeing the best in our child.

Just returned from a parent teacher briefing, some reflections today... The teachers are very dedicated. In the briefing, they are educating the parents on the curriculum and what to take note. The parents are asked to attend workshops so we can also learn and coach them at home. I noticed the part where everyone took out their phones to take picture was when the teachers talked about Exams, the allocation of marks..etc. the deeply rooted exam culture is still present in our society. It's a quantitative way of measuring if your child is Smart or not, where does he stand amongst others and how are his chances of surviving this rat race. Unfortunately not all will 'win' in this race... as we only measure them by paper and testing. But if each child is recognised as individual with different talents and innate qualities, every child will achieve great heights! Not in the same way but it's ok and encouraged.
I am constantly in guilt of pushing my kids to meet standards set by the schools and society. Many of my views and opinions springs from my search for true education for the future so we are able to allow these gifts and innate talents to manifest itself, to achieve greater heights, to bring peace, unity, justice and progress to the world, to do what humanity is meant to do.

Having said that, I am reminded that there's a reality now that we need to work with and to deal with, to accept and look on the positive side of things. I realised the most important thing in learning is 'joy', the teacher that inspire the child and the parents- ME who will make the biggest difference in their learning journey. So.... I am coming to a new realisation that I cannot fight this education system, but to accept and work with it, and help my boys to walk this journey joyfully, as joyful as possible. (not easy... but will try... As Abdul Baha, the son of the prophet of Bahai Faith says: "Kam Kam, Ruz Bih Ruz" which means:little by little, day by day...). To do our best in schools together, but more importantly to see their strength and help them achieve their potentials.

Exams... the new killer.

Exams... Examinations... Assessments...Test...

What's the purpose of it all?

It is formed on the basis that children need to be motivated to learn, that learning must be imposed, learning is not natural, that humans are born with brain with nothing and we need to fill it up with knowledge. And therefore exams are there to "make sure" kids learn.

My boys, 8 and 10 years are having exams this week. They are stressed... their mother, me is more stressed. I am in a huge dilemma of whether I should just step back and let them learn whatever they can and want in school and sit for the exams with that and accept whatever results that get OR like almost every other parents, be worried and 'kiasu' (scared to lose) and get heaps of assessment books and past year exam papers from the 'prestige' schools to drill my boys to score better in exams.  I am falling into the second category... which I hate what I am becoming! Every cell in my body is rejecting it.. and I am becoming increasingly frustrated and forcing my boys to learn as if they are empty vessels and bribing them with rewards to motivate them to learn. What can I do???

Schools or training centers were created to train human resources for the factories, for production, for the economic growth of the country. Therefore it's a set curriculum where everyone has to go through, and a set goal and examinations are conducted to make sure the outcome achieved is of a measurable standard. However that's not the case for every circumstances and that is not what education should be like. We have blindly followed the same model and make examination compulsory even for even little 6 year olds. My view of what examination is as follows:

- Examination limits imagination and creativity

- Examination limits the knowledge that is to be learnt and explored as they only learn those that are in the syllabus of the exam.

- Children are made to learn things that are not relevant nor of interest to them. 

- Children have no time to explore and learn things that are of interest to them... however little that is left.

- Examination kills the joy of learning

- Examination encourages competition 

- Examination discourages sharing of knowledge 

- Examination marks and grades damages self esteem and causes depression
- And sometimes Exams causes children to take their own lives... such a tragedy...

- Examination causes stress and pressure to perform

- Children are pressured to meet expectations of parents, teachers, school, society, government.
- It is a hindrance to the progress of civilization, retard the progress of humankind.(please read on...)

Children are taught as if they are empty vessels to be filled, and teachers are merely filling a bucket and not lighting a flame. Baha'i's believe that all man are created noble. "Regard man as a mine rich in gems of inestimable value. Education can, alone, cause it to reveal its treasures, and enable mankind to benefit therefrom."

Every human being is unique and each have their latent talents and virtues waiting manifest itself. However if we were to standardize learning and judge the intelligence of a child by some examinations, test, grades or marks, then we are judging the fish by it's ability to climb the tree.

Love this video and the courage to stand up to centuries of 'schooling'.
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqTTojTija8





I believe that learning is a natural phenomenon. Babies absorb knowledge, language, mobility without anyone teaching him/her. We have to just step back and allow this natural development to happen. We often do things for children because they are 'clumsy' or 'slow' but if we show them how to do it and provide the means for them to practice and do it. They can achieve so much more.

I strive to practice this at home since my kids were born, by guiding and showing them how things are done, I then allow them to do it by themselves. Result is motivated, independent, active learners. Never do something for a child that he can do it for himself, if not we are impeding the development of the child. Montessori schools strive to do the same. And therefore I studied Montesssori and send my boys to Montessori pre school. However we don't have Montessori Primary/Secondary schools here, sadly so I have no choice but to enrol them into traditional schools. And that is when the light in their eyes dimmed.... and learning become dry and imposed and forced upon them. No freedom of choice of what they want to learn or their interest and talent lies. Everyone does pretty much the same thing.

If Albert Einstein, Thomas Edision... and all the famous inventors of the past were to be confined in a classroom doing what every other kid is doing, and sitting for standardised test, we would not have electric light bulbs, electricity... and every other great invention there is.
Baha'ullah, the prophet of the Baha'i faith continue to say:  " All men have been created to carry forward an ever-advancing civilization."

If we were to advance forward, we cannot only teach the children the knowledge of what is already known. We have to allow plenty of time, room and space for the children of today to explore, to become active learners, independent thinkers, have time for them to dream, imagine and then discover, create and experiment and build a better world then what we have today.

I am guilty at charged of limited time for play and exploration to STUDY and score for the examinations the past few weeks. It has been a very stressful time for both the kids and me. What is the purpose really? I see no joy in learning the things they are being forced to learn regardless whether they want to. But there's a few incidents where I gave them some break time, and they found some recycle papers and started making paper planes. And all 3 of them were so engrossed in it that they took such a long break that I was beginning to get irritated and I find myself wanting to tell them to stop 'playing' and get back to 'work'. But, I took a step back and I observed.  They are so happy and they are working together and discussing ways to make the plane fly higher, faster. They were exploring and experimenting what happens if they fold the front and make it thicker, what if one wing was bigger than the other, what happens when they use another type of paper, if they fold it a different way. I came to a big realisation that this 'play' is the real 'work'! First they chose it, they were joyful, what started off as a simple origami craft at break time became a test for a hypothesis, they were experimenting and learning about physis and science and in the process, they were focus, their attention were high, they were engaged, they were thinking, they were motivated to find tapes, staplers, other materials to make their plane better, they were repeating and practicing until they achieve excellence or almost there. Can you imagine the satisfaction, the sense of achievement, the amount of self esteem each of them have?

Can you imagine if for every single thing that each child learn, they get this feeling of achievement? of self fulfillment? Can you imagine what all this children will create? And when such motivated positive children grow up to be self fulfilled, motivated, young adults... together what they can achieve? The future is limitless!

I don't know what I can do now to help my children achieve this, but I will strive to provide more break time and allow for this latent potential to manifest itself. I hope in time we will abolish examinations and find a way to harness this great and precious resource we have to advance civilization.

A life well lived.

Today we attended a Baha'i funeral of a dear family friend, a wonderful soul whom we dearly call her Aunty Peng. I was asked to give a speech... as I was preparing the speech, I thought about my life and realised that Aunty Peng was a big part of it when I was growing up. For without her guidance, I might still be that timid and shy girl. When we encounter death, we would learn a lot about life. For only when we understand death, we will not fear it. This is when we will truly live a life of purpose. For this life is like a dream..  and our true life is the life of the spirit.

Here's my speech I prepared on the way to KL and together with another childhood friend Kumar, we shared who Aunty Peng was to us.

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Dear friends and family,
Allah'u'abha. My name is Shirin Tan. I am here to share some beautiful memories of Aunty Peng, especially during the days when the Chew family lived in Johor Bahru ~around 1988 for almost 8 yrs.

Just a little background- I'm the only girl in my family so when the Chews moved to JB I was so happy to have some girl friends to play with. So me, Su yyn and Su fern quickly became best friends. Thats when dear Aunty Peng became a part of my life as I was growing up.

Aunty Peng has many wonderful attributes that will always be remembered in our hearts.

First, her Warmth and Kindness.
She is always very warm and welcomes everyone to her home. So much so that I am always there at their home and often have sleep overs there.  I even recall calling myself Chew Su Lin to feel part of the family!

Our families and the JB Bahai communities had many fond memories together.  Especially the fun we have at the weekly Bahai children class,  the picnics at Istana Garden, the southern regional Bahai summer schools, and all the Bahai activities. We also took many trips together camping in desaru, waterfall at kota tinggi where we had 10 people in a car, train rides to port dickson for winter school. And not forgetting our late night suppers for ais kacang at the satay celok stall or also known as lok lok( literally translate as dip dip as Uncle Chew will say).

Aunty Peng is our dear loving teacher in everyway. She was always encouraging.
She taught me many things. The first and most memorable lesson I learnt was to finish my food!

When I was a little girl, I would take hours to eat my food and do not look forward to meal times. And I would always end up throwing almost half of my food into the bin at the end of each meal. My mom went to aunty Peng and ask her to help teach me a lesson. So one night I was at their home for dinner, and aunty peng gave me a very small scoop of rice and she told me to finish it first and I can ask for more if I want to. Over time  I realise the wisdom behind that.

She let me realised that I can finish my meal and not waste any. Through this small action, she built my confidence and I began enjoying my meals and eat my food much faster now! This is a small example but it is through her firm yet loving encouragement that she teach every student of her.

Aunty Peng is selfless. She always think about others first especially the children. I remember she and Uncle Chew got a van just so she can ferry more children to Baha'i children classes every week. She would let us roll around literally in the back sit of the van playing sandwich which is pushing and squashing each other. And we would scream and make so much noise that if it were any other person, they would have thrown us out of the van!

Aunty Peng is patient. I will always remember her ways of handling crisis especially now that I am a parent. She would talk to us in a firm yet loving manner when we made a mistake. She never raised her voice or scolds us. She will take time to talk to us and find a fitting consequence for our wrong doings.

She is also a very patient driver, when asked why she said you never know if that you will need to teach the faith to the person one day. We are in deed ambassador of the faith.

Gifts... Aunty Peng always come bearing gifts! Since I was a child, whenever we see aunty peng, she is like Ms Santa claus always giving little gifts for us.

Unlike most people, she never buys us lavish toys or expensive gifts. The presents she gives instead are truly unique and precious and with lots of love ans thought. Often she will give us little  note books decorated with her beautiful handwriting with beautiful poems or quotations or beautiful books for us to get inspired. Some times she will give me a bag of little mystery items like once she gave me a brown paper bag with coasters, boxes, stickers and odds and ends. To the normal person, those stuff may look like nothing useful but we are asked to use our creativity  and imagination as there are endless ways we can do them. She truly sees the potential in everything, a beauty in everything.

I'm often told by my parents and Yyn and Fern to not become like Aunty Peng and clutter up the house with so many things. Fortunately or unfortunately I have picked up the same passion or talent. Seeing the educational value of every single thing and every single trip or opportunity. Of course I will try to do this with moderation. ;)

Lastly, I want to say that Aunty Peng has taught me and many others many valuable lessons for life. One of the lessons I learnt though she never said it but showed through her example was this- To always think about the children, involve the children, give the children a part to play at the feast, holy days, teaching events, every child is unique and noble. She truly sees the gems in us all and make us feel we can achieve anything if we want to.

Dear Aunty Peng, Thank you for your love and encouragement. We will all continue to share this love and lessons to others.
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